I Really Should Be Sleeping

I have an early morning ahead of me, and I really should be asleep.  It is true that we make time to do what we really want to do.  Even when our days are long and full, if we really want it, we can squeeze out a few minutes for those things we are most passionate about.  Apparently I am passionate about Words with Friends.  I find time to play WWF everyday ☺!

Back in January I had some high hopes and opened my big mouth and boldly declared that I would have a rough draft of a book ready by my birthday - HA!  September seemed like a  l  o  o  o  o  o n g  way off.  It was not. I was wrong. It was an incredibly short span of time, and I was totally ridiculous, and overly optimistic to think that I could produce anything remotely like a manuscript in less than 9 months.  Crazy talk. 

My birthday came and went.  It was a great day, I felt loved, but no book was written.  No outline, no draft, no nothing, zip ....

I have decided that, yes, I want to write a book, and no, I did not want to bad enough to actually do it in the last 9 months.  I have also decided that it is difficult, if not impossible, for me to schedule creativity.  I can't put, "be creative", on a to do list like, say, "go to the bank".  It just doesn't work.  I think what may work for me is to put things on my to do list that inspire creativity.  Rather than the actual task of creating, I need to schedule time to ponder, observe, experience new things, read, relax.  My daily lists need to include things like - hike, walk, watch the sunrise, watch the sunset, go to the beach, go to lunch with friends, read a book, take a class, study a subject.  When I do these things, my mind becomes more active and creativity flows.  When my creative mind is working, you can't stop me from writing.

Common Ground

Our best friends are the best and our closest relationships are so close because we share a lot of common ground with those individuals. This common ground is often built upon shared experiences.  We meet someone on the first day of school and we go through every day with them, side by side, we hear the same lectures, we do the same assignments, we interact with the same people, we share hours and hours of our life together.  We are friends because our lives are entwined.  Over time these experiences build a bond.  Inside jokes develop, we know what each other is thinking by body language, and we feel like we really know each other.  These types of shared experiences often develop at work, school, church, clubs, on sports teams, in our neighborhoods and families. 

Deep and lasting bonds are built on more than just shared experiences. We share interests, values and passions. It's more than just experiencing the same thing, it is reacting to those events in a similar way.  We are more likely to be close friends with someone that shares our sense of humor and laughs at the same things we do.  We are drawn to people who laugh when we laugh, and cry when we cry - those who share our reaction to the world.

Our reactions to the world stem from our personality and our core beliefs.  They define what is sacred, what is funny, what is important, what is meaningful, and what is abhorrent to each individual.  These values are key to how we view and react to the world around us, most especially the people around us. What is funny to one may be obscene to another.  What we value differs, and it differs by degree.   No two are exactly the same.  Most people have some things in common, some shared values, beliefs, interests, or desires.  If you look hard enough, you can usually find some common ground between two individuals. 

Deep thinkers want to have conversations with other deep thinkers.  Born skeptics want to hash out theories with other skeptics. Sports fans want to play, watch and talk about sports with other sports fans.  It's no fun to take someone to the hockey game that hates hockey.  It is painful to have your enthusiastic response fall on deaf ears.   In short, birds of a feather, flock together. 

It's not an exclusionary mindset.  It's not necessarily judgmental.  It's just human nature, it's logical.  It requires a lot of effort to build a relationship with someone who is vastly different from us.  We have to dig deep to find the common ground.  There may be great rewards for that effort, but it won't come easily, and most people don't have what it takes to work that hard on a relationship. It does not mean that we don't love, respect, or value people who are different than we are.  It just means that life moves along more harmoniously when we are surrounded by people who see the world similarly to the way we see it. 

We naturally gravitate to those that share the most sacred of our common ground.  Friendships, marriages, and business partnerships that share a set of core beliefs have a better chance of success.  This is not to say that we should find clones of ourselves, and only associate with them.  We all need to share our strengths with each other.  Finding team members who possess complimentary skills and talents is critical.  What I am talking about are core values.  When our core values are aligned with our team, then things flow more easily, and success is more easily attained. When we want the same things, and define success in the same way, we can move down that path more freely.   

Relationships can erode when common ground is lost.  If one or more of the parties radically depart from the status quo, it can be difficult.  What was once shared is now in conflict.  Resolving that conflict is a big challenge.  It's  difficult to adjust to a new way of relating with someone you have known for a long time.  The points where you used to connect don't line up anymore, and the change is unsettling.  This does not mean that the parties involved no longer love or care for each other.  It's not a matter of allowing or accepting that the other person has changed, it's figuring out how to connect with this new set of differences.  When individuals change, their relationships also change, as a natural consequence.  It's hard to know just where the relationship stands when the common ground erodes out from under you.

This can especially be true when someone changes their political affiliation or religious beliefs.  What are the two subjects best avoided in polite society?  Religion and politics?  That's because the emotions attached to these points run deep.  They pretty much set the stage for an individual's world view.  These type of fundamental changes represent a major shift in how a person thinks and feels about life.  It changes how they react to the events and people around them.  It changes their relationships. 

When someone close to use has a major shift in previously shared core beliefs it can feel like a personal rejection.  For the person that has not made any shift, it can feel like the other party is rejecting them personally, along with their previously shared world view.  If they no longer agree with how you think, they no longer agree with you.  If they no longer value your ideals, they no longer value you.  If they think your beliefs are wrong, they think you are wrong.  It's a pretty logical conclusion to make.  Logical maybe, but not necessarily helpful. If the particular core belief that changed was what the relationship was built upon, it might be insurmountable.  How can two hunting buddies remain close friends when one of them becomes a vegan and a PETA activist?  

The person who converts to a different religion, moves to a new country, or swaps political parties is a brave soul. Breaking with the pack can leave a person alone and without any deep connections.  The old connections are weakened, even if the individuals involved are loving and accepting of the change, they no longer have the strength of unity, and opportunities for shared experiences diminish.  New connections are just that, new.  They don't have the benefit of years of shared experiences and so they are weaker.  Often people revert back to their traditional religion, country, or ideology.  It's hard to go it alone.  Making new close connections takes time and life doesn't stop throwing challenges at you so you can get your new support system in place. 

In most cases, if both parties really try, common ground can be found.  It might be a small little plot, but it would be somewhere to start.  When there is no longer any common ground, cherish the memories and respectfully part ways.  When you come upon someone newly landed in your circle, extend a hand of friendship and help them build the strong connections they need.  Love, patience, and understanding go along way toward finding common ground.
 

On Top of the World

 

I love the feeling at the top.  With my world brought into focus on a tight spot of land, everything else falls away, step by step.  I am focused.  I am in one place.  I am not scattered.   I am whole.  

 The sun, the wind and the rain fall on me unfiltered by the world.  I am closer to God, the source of it all.  The light is pure, and my skin tingles with the warmth.  The clouds float by and I could reach out and feel their cool dampness.  The wind brings with it bird song, and the voice of Heaven. And when it rains, it is wonderful, the best. I am clean, my soul is refreshed.  New energy lovingly bestowed from above.

The world looks so different from the top of a mountain.  The worries of everyday life have shrunk out of sight.  The only details that remain are the beauty of the land, and anything I've brought along.  The world below is vast and beautiful.  The how and why of minute details are irrelevant.  The world is orderly.  The plan is evident.  It teaches me to trust.  

 

It's worth it, the effort of the climb.  Each step, each moment of the struggle, is worth the reward.  


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(These photos are from our hike to Wiliwilinui Ridge on Monday, 5/27/2013.  We had a group of 7 - The Putegnats, Michael, RJ, Q and I.  It was an awesome hike of around 5-6 miles, with an elevation change of around 1,700 ft from base to summit.  We started about 10am, had lunch at the top, and finished about 2pm.  And then it rained, and it was perfect!)

44 on the 4th

That's a LOT of 4's!  It's been a good day, lots of fun, good food, well wishes, and some cool presents.  I even got to have bacon twice today.  That makes it a stellar day for sure!  Bacon does have magic powers ...

Along with all the good birthday jazz from my awesome family and friends have come some deep thoughts.  Things I have been thinking about for several days.  To everything there is a season, turn, turn, turn .... right? 

So, I'm probably not going to be a neuroscientist, or a doctor, or an astronaut (gave that one up a long time ago), or a gymnast, or a great dancer, or a host of many other such things.  I"m  not going to have any more babies (I suppose you never know, but really, I think that ship has sailed).  Grandparenthood is pretty much staring me in the face, coming right on down that track.  That 's not bad, not bad at all, just well, new.  It's an adjustment.  For somethings, the time has come and gone.  I'm not totally comfortable with that, but I don't suppose that makes any difference in the matter, it's here, like it or not.

What I am not fine with is settling for mediocrity.  I want to accomplish great things in my life.  I want to make a difference.  I want to DO something.  I want to achieve something big, finish something difficult, take something to a level of excellence, really reach the top.  I don't want to be a CEO, I don't need to run the world, but I DO need to step out of the middle of the road and get to something great.  I feel dissatisfied, like I have wasted a lot of time just getting by, and not really doing much with what God has given me.  I work hard, always have, but looking back it all seems sort of aimless, a lot of wandering from thing to thing.  I am fairly competent at a lot of things.  I'd really like to be the best at something, something that matters.  That sounds like I'm looking for recognition from the world.  Maybe I am a little bit, but not really, not at the core.  The praise of others is not the driving force.  It's the voice inside my head, the one that says, "You are more than all this.  You are destined for greatness, why do you sit and wallow in your mediocrity?  Why are you content with good enough?  Get up, try harder, you can do better. "  It's that voice that won't shut up.  It's that voice that wakes me up at night with thoughts of, "Go back to school, you need to finish it." 

I don't want to spend any more of my life just getting by, doing just enough, feeling like middle of the road is all I can do.  It's not true.  I know it's not.  I've always felt like there was more out there, that I had some spark of greatness, something that I was meant to do, that only I can do, that I MUST do.  There are choices I can no longer make, the time has passed.  There are options no longer open.  But this does not mean that I am stuck, or that there aren't many, many, many choices left to make, chances left to take, dreams to dream, and goals to achieve. 

I guess I'm just feeling a little disappointed in myself right now.  I know who I am, and what I am capable of, and I have not been living up to that level.  I got tired, and I let things slide.  I kind of gave up on somethings, and settled in.  I let the hard knocks of life knock me out a bit.  Shrink the pond, rather than be a bigger fish.  Run in the middle of the herd instead of blaze the trail.  Float along instead of row and steer the boat. 

I see it, and I feel it, but doing it, well, that's a whole other ball of wax..... I still feel so tired.  So tired from all the work, all the effort to just keep it all going.  The never ending struggle to make ends meet, do what has to be done, by the skin of my teeth, just in the nick of time. winging it, flying along by the seat of my pants..  At some point I just want to do things right, all of them, once and for all.  Do it, for real. 

Diving into Life

Life is like the ocean.  Sometimes it is calm and peaceful, and sometimes it is a raging storm.  Even during the peaceful times, there are waves and currents.  The tides roll in, the tides roll out, day after day, without fail.  The ocean is always teaming with life and activity.  It is never still.  It is always changing.  Life is exactly like this.

 If you attempt to sit still in the ocean, you are carried one way or another by waves and currents.  It takes some action on your part to direct your path, or to even stay in one place.  You have to swim, tread water, kick, paddle, drop an anchor, do something, or you are going to be moved.  If you pause, for even a moment, the current can move you great distances. The ocean is a powerful force, even when peaceful. 

Have you ever stood at the beach and let the waves rush over you?  Not ready to jump right in to all the chaos, you timidly walk down to where water meets sand and inch your way in. As you stand there enjoying the cool flood over your hot feet, WHAM!  a huge wave comes and knocks you on your butt.  As you try to stand, the sand under you rushes away, pulled back into the water with the receding wave, you lose your footing, and down you go again.  As you struggle, another wave comes along, and you are rolled.  That second wave doesn't need to be very big to knock you over, since you haven't fully recovered from the first one.  You are only sort of standing, and very unsteady.  As wave after wave continues to hit, you tumble, and roll, struggle, and gasp.  Eventually, you back up, and retreat to higher ground, or dive on in and try to get all the sand out of your pants.

Inching towards a big change in life can be frightening.  We approach with caution, and inch our way in.  Standing there, hesitating, we can get hit with a big wave, a devastating set back, like a major illness, job loss, death of a loved one, etc.  Then when we are down, and still struggling to stand, even the smallest waves can knock us back down, and keep us down, tumbling us over and over, as we struggle to breathe and stand.  Sometimes it seems like those waves keep on coming, and that we are going to drown, that the ocean will win, and drag us out to sea.  We might even need a friend to rescue us and pull us one way or another, out of the line of fire.

The best way to go for a swim in the ocean, is to run and dive right on in.  Dive over the wave, into the wave, or under it.  When you are swimming, you cannot be knocked down.  The wave loses its power when you stop resisting, and go with the flow.  What is a powerful force at the shore, capable of knocking you flat, is a gentle rocking motion when you are bobbing along in the middle of it.  If you are swimming under the surface, it feels like nothing at all.  While standing, or treading water, if a large wave approaches, and you aren't paying attention, you can still get walloped good.  A face full of salt water that leaves you sputtering, but still upright.  If you see it coming, all it takes is a little hop just at the right moment, and you float along, with your head safely above the surface. Resisting is what causes all the trouble.

In life, it's just the same.  It's the resistance to life's changes,and challenges that bring all the destruction and pain.  When we fight against the inevitable, when we hesitate to take the next step, that's when life really knocks us down.  We have to pay attention, see what is coming our way, and then jump on board, and ride the wave.  When we resist, we go under, we sputter, and gasp.  Life is never going to be like a reflection pool - still and perfectly clear.  It keeps moving, and changing.  Every day we have new things come our way.  Life changes.  If we don't figure out how to adapt and change with it, we suffer, and life is harder than it needs to be.

Learning to anticipate the waves, and jump into them, rather than resist, helps smooth out the ride.  If you see a future challenge coming, do what you can to prepare for it, and when it hits - jump up to great it, rather then try to out run it, you will float along with only a minor disruption.  You can't out run, or out swim, the waves of change that life brings.  Babies grow up, kids get married, people get sick, we have to move, jobs are lost, cars break down, we grow old, and everyone of us will eventually die.  You can't avoid these normal life events.  You can prepare, you can be watchful, and you can embrace each new wave as it comes your way.  You can jump in and live life, rather than stand on the shore and let the waves beat you down.  You must keep moving, if you wish to have any peace.  There is no such thing as standing still.

Circling the Base of the Mountain

I went to a church meeting this week, and something one of the speakers said really struck a chord with me.   He said that he lives near this mountain, that is rather steep, and has hiked it a few times.  Each time, before the hike, he has walked the path at the base of the mountain, which is a nice, easy path, contemplating how hard the hike is going to be.  He thinks about how unprepared he is, how old, out of shape, etc he is, as he circles the base of this mountain.

I have been circling the base of the mountain for a long time now.  I keep walking the familiar path, musing about how hard it would be to get to where I want to be.  I am unprepared, too old, too out of shape, to make that climb., so I continue to circle.  I circle and circle, looking up, and thinking how I'll never get there.  Thinking how amazing it must be up there, but not sure if I'm up to the climb.

This path at the base of the mountain is an easy one.  If it weren't for that looming mountain in the middle constantly reminding me that it's there to climb, I'd be quite content to circle forever.  Or would I?
It gets pretty boring, playing it small and safe, walking the flat, circular path of familiarity.  There are no surprises, no victories, no discoveries, no amazing views, just the same old thing, over and over again.  No risk, and no reward.

The only way to climb a mountain is to put one foot on the path pointing up, and let the other follow.  One step at a time, in the right direction.  The pace is not important, only the direction and that you keep moving.  If I'm not prepared, I need to get prepared.  If I'm not fit to climb, I better get fit.  All this circling and musing is wasting too much time.  If I think I am too old now, I'll only be that much older if I keep putting things off.

So, ok, I'm tired of circling.  It's getting boring down here looking at all the tree trunks.  I think it is time to start that climb and see the view from the clouds.