Words - It's all How You See Them

"Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."— William Goldman

If there are 3 people in a conversation, there can be 3 totally different conclusions, emotions, and meanings to that conversation. The words exchanged are exactly the same, but how they are interpreted, what they mean, can vary widely.

This weekend I heard someone retell a story that had great emotional impact in their life. They used that experience to make a point that was currently relevant in their life. It is clear that they have thought about that original conversation many times in the years since it occurred. The current emotions were even stronger than they were in the original expression.

I was an observer of the first exchange and a witness to the recent retelling. There was a great difference in the intentions, emotions, and meaning between the different parties involved. What one person said, the other person heard, and vice versa, they failed to communicate. The deeply meaningful memory came from a flawed understanding of the original exchange.

Both are intelligent and educated, and have many things in common. I pondered how could they understand the same words so differently. Words are powerful, but what we "think" and what we "feel" about them charge them with power.

Consider the impact of the verbal environment of upbringing. Did you grow up speaking a different language than you do now? Were there multiple languages spoken in your home? What was the education level of your parents? Did the adults in the home include you in the conversation, or were children spoken down to? Did you grow up in one area, and adopt the regional slang? Those are just the few factors that contribute to our personal understanding of language. What about the subtle differences in meaning that are passed along from generation to generation?

In some families a specific word may have a slightly negative connotation. Whenever a person from that family hears that word, it taints the conversation, and sets them up to feel negatively towards the subject at hand. The person who said it is using the word properly, and expressing themselves clearly, with no negative intention, but the hearer still gets the message wrong.

Sometimes a person uses a word, or a string of words, and they really don't express what they mean. Their basic understanding of the word is flawed, and then their expression and communication with others is flawed. They don't intend to be offensive, or send a negative message, but because of this deep misunderstanding, the communication fails.

When I first moved to St. Louis I heard people using the word "ignorant" as an insult. From my education and experience, ignorance meant a lack of knowledge and was a condition, rather than an insult. Actually the word is pronounced, "ignernt" and means that a person is being extremely rude and difficult. Totally different meaning, and completely different emotions. If I had mistakenly refered to someone who had no education on a subject as ignorant, I might have found myself punched in the face by an "ignernt" jerk.

With all these differences, how do we ever come together and truly communicate? How do we express ourselves and have our true intentions and feelings understood? A consistent education helps, but even then, we have deep personal differences.

First, I think we must seek to understand one another. Don't take what people say literally and at face value. If something doesn't seem to make sense, ask questions. Restate what you think they said, and ask if you got it right. If they mean to give offense, make them say it straight. Most times people do not intend offense and we can avoid a misunderstanding. The more we know a person, the easier it is to understand them. Take the time to get to know people you work and associate with. Not only will your communication improve, your life will be enriched.

When you are doing the speaking, it is a good idea to say things in a variety of ways. Stop and ask if others understand you, and if they have any questions. If the subject warrants, make sure to clearly state your intended feels and emotions. If you are speaking in public and asking the crowd to answer questions is not possible, restate your point to make sure you are clear.

Words always mean something, but not always the same thing to everyone.