As the song goes, "time keeps on slippin' into the future". 2010 has come and gone, another Christmas, another New Year's Eve, another January 1st have all slipped quietly into the past. What was once anticipated, is now a memory. My theme for 2010 was "white space". I wanted to find more white space on the pages of my life, less clutter, both physically and mentally. For me 2010 was a year of cleaning out the old and leaving the empty space. It was a challenge not to immediately fill each empty spot I created with some new thing. No way am I perfect at this yet, and the project continues.
Just a few days ago I finally gave up my 10 pound wallet and replaced it with a chic new slim model. I had to throw away, or put away, 3/4 of what I had been carrying around with me everywhere. My wallet is a good metaphor of my life. I was carrying around all sorts of unnecessary things. Each of them were small, the heaviest thing in there was a quarter, but together they added up to a significant burden. Each small burden I was unwilling to let go caused me daily pain and aggravation. My wallet was so large that when I placed it in the stylish new purse Quincie gave me for Christmas there wasn't much room for anything else. That's how it is with all of our emotional baggage we carry around. When we try to fit into a stylish new life, there isn't much room for anything else we need if we bring all our old junk with us.
Switching to that new, shiny pink wallet was a process. First I took everything out of my old, stretched out, beat up black leather wallet. As I emptied the contents of each pocket I immediately sorted it for obvious trash. I am all for saving receipts, but when the ink has faded and all you have is a plain white piece of paper, what is the point?? With all the pockets empty and the trash removed, I began to sort.
The obvious first pile was for money. That's the main point of a wallet, right?? Then came the debit and credit cards, tossing the expired ones into the trash pile, both business and personal. The other piles were business cards, receipts, store loyalty cards, membership cards, photos, notes from loved ones, notes to self, punch cards for free sodas, free shave ice, free bread, stamps, checkbooks, and finally, loose change.
There was no way all that stuff was going to fit in my new wallet. Each pile had to be sorted for the less obvious trash, things to keep, but not in my wallet, leaving just the essentials to carry around everyday. I ditched all the pennies. They take up too much space and weigh too much for what they are worth. I should probably do the same with the nickels, but I'm just not there yet. I got rid of the store cards that I rarely visit. If I'm not a frequent shopper, why do I need a loyalty card? I threw away all the expired coupons, then I thought better of it, and threw them all out. They would all be expired before I looked at them again. I copied the info from the notes to self into my iphone and threw them away. The piles were shrinking!
If I examine my life like I did the contents of my wallet, I think in 2010 I managed to clear out the obvious trash, and started making piles. I am still walking around with a lot of stuff I don't need on a daily basis.
It's hard to let go of those things that have been with me for a long time. My fears, my doubts, my favorite mistakes that I make over and over again. I own them, they are mine. They are each small and simple things, but together they weigh me down and keep me from moving forward. Each little fear added with all the others becomes a huge wall of fear that blocks my path. Each tiny drop of doubt combined with all it's friends becomes a huge storm cloud raining on my parade. Each small step backward is only one step, but combined with all the others has me miles behind in no time.
Each small thing I stuck in my wallet added to the outrageous weight of the whole. By placing trash, and unimportant things in there I gave them the same importance as my money, or my driver's license. I gave value and place to things I should not, and in the process diminished the value of the items deserving it. In life we do the same thing. By holding our false beliefs as near and dear to our hearts as the truth we elevate the one and debase the other. Fear and love can not occupied the same place. The fear always taints the love. The fear has to go. Faith and doubt do not coexist. The doubt always smothers the faith. The doubt must go.
I love my new wallet. My purse feels so light on my arm, like its' practically empty. I am sure my chiropractor will notice the difference in my back and neck on my next visit. It's easy and quick to find what I need. I'm not embarrassed to open that wallet in public. There is no danger of it's contents spilling on the floor as I search for my Costco card. It feels great to travel light!
I am optimistic about 2011. I am still working on specific goals, but my theme is, "The Best is Yet to Come". There is much to look forward to. Ryker leaves for China next month for an internship teaching English. In May Quincie graduates from high school and by July both kids will be legal adults. The nest just might be empty come Fall, and that leaves a lot of white space. I'm not sure exactly what I will do, but I am certain that the best is yet to come!
