Here is my annual ranting post. If the trend follows, it will probably get more page views than all of the positive, uplifting posts I make all year combined. A really good rant is just more entertaining than rainbows and waterfalls I guess.
There are a few clients that have been driving me crazy lately. They are rude, demanding, and impatient. I would like to tell them a few things to improve the situation, for all of us.
1. I am in Hawaii. Unless you also live in Hawaii, my time zone is much different than yours. It is anywhere from 3-6 hours earlier here than anywhere else in the United States. We don't participate in Daylight Savings Time.
2. If you call me at 4am , you do NOT want me to answer your call. I will not be coherent enough to help you, and I might be just a little grumpy. Calls this early will go to voice mail.
3. If I do not answer your call before the sun is up, do not call back in 20 minutes. These calls will also go to voice mail. I will call you back when I WAKE UP,.
4. If your need is truly urgent, and since I don't work with doctors, police officers, or firemen, true emergencies are RARE., send me a text or email. I may not ready to answer the phone and deal with unidentified problems that early, but if your problem is simple, I may be able to handle it without having to speak. Give it a try, about 90% of the time, a conversation is not required.
5. Number 4 also applies if I am on the phone, in a meeting, or otherwise busy. If you really need me, text or email.
6. If I made the rules, there would be no speaking required before 10am. It would just be better that way.
7. If you send me an email, I will respond when I have an answer. Regardless of popular belief, I do not have all the answers, to all your problems immediately at my figure tips. Give me a few minutes to at least read your email, and figure out the situation. When I have an answer for you, I will reply.
8. If you are rude your response time will be slower. I can't help it, that's just how it is. If you are nice to me, the solutions come quicker. If you use bad language, you might never get the response you are hoping for.
9. I am NOT tech support. I do not know where files are stored on your computer. I do not know what version of software you are using. I CAN teach you how to print to PDF, rename a file, or save something to the desktop, but it's not my job. If you need this kind of help, please be nice. You are asking dumb questions and if you are rude, I just won't have the patience for it.
10. If you are that unhappy, if we are that incompetent, why do you keep sending us work? Why don't you take your business elsewhere? Do you just love the conflict? Did your wife leave you and now you have no one left to pick fights with? I don't get it. This is what we do. Most of our customers love us. If you don't , that's ok, you can stop using us. It won't hurt my feelings. In fact, I wish you would go bother the competition for awhile.
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