Big Frickin Spider!!!!

Headphones on, Stevie Wonder playing loud, I walked barefoot into my garage to move around a load of laundry.  I usually wear some slippers (flip flops for those of you not from Hawaii) around the house.  I have dogs, and well, you never know, it's just not a chance I'm usually willing to take,  Anyway ... today I seriously mopped the ENTIRE floor so I have been enjoying walking around barefoot completely secure in the cleanliness of it all.  So, as I was saying,  in my clean bare feet, I strolled on out to the garage to do a little laundry.  I opened the door and this GIANT freakin' spider pauses ever so briefly to take me in, then CHARGES me!!!!  What the crap???/!!!!

(I didn't take this photo - too busy freaking out to take a pic - found this on Google)

 
Paralyzed, with shock and fear, "Boogie on Reggae Woman" still blasting away in my ears, I uttered some sort of guttural scream.  I don't scream like a girl. My screams are deep, and come from some primitive part of me, that has nothing in common with a slasher movie soprano scream.  The thing was CHARGING me!  (did I say that before?)  Ya, charging me!  Crazy!  Did I mention that I was barefoot?  So, I can't stomp on it, More than anything I want to get my naked feet as far away from that thing as I can.   At this point it's within a couple inches of my foot, and I can just feel it running up my leg and biting me on the face!  My imagination is quick, when my body is frozen.  The adrenaline starts to flow and I think flight, flight, that's what I want to do - run!!! but I can't go forward cause that thing is in front of me, and I'm sure as heck not turning my back on it!  So, then fight, ok, I'll fight - but what do I fight with?  I need a weapon.  No hand to hand combat here.  No sir!  So with my feet still stuck like they are in sold concrete, I reach around and grab .... the MOP!  Oh ya!  That's the weapon of choice here!  It's a sponge mop, so it's a little more of a weapon on the business end, than one of those string models, but still - HIGHLY ineffective.  I manage to plop the mop directly on top of it, and the legs are sticking out the sides!!!  I told you it was BIG!!!!  I push it down hard a few times ...... hold it there ... press it into the floor some more ..... lift it just a tiny bit to see .... and it's OFF and running into the corner.  Of COURSE it runs toward the door, to the house ... Great ... is that thing gonna come in the house now??? or will it wait til later and come curl up in bed with me?

Normally I have 3 furry dogs that follow me everywhere I go, especially into the garage.  One even fancies herself a bug hunter.  Where was my fearless pack during this attack?  As far away from the garage as they could get!!  So much for protecting me!

All hyped up on adrenaline I hit up Google for some answers.  Apparently that monster in my garage is a cane spider.  They are BIG, but harmless to humans, unless you think maybe a heart attack is a health threat .....   I might just be a little glad that I didn't kill it.  They love to eat roaches, and other large, nasty things like silverfish.  I really, really, really, REALLY hate the giant roaches we have here, so maybe I am willing to live with a BIG, gross, aggressive spider in my garage if he eats all the roaches.  Maybe ....

As for the garage, well, I'm not going back there ... ever. .... we will just have to go buy new clothes cause I'm not opening that door again! .... at least not tonight anyway ...  Maybe we will just have to move.  We don't live here anymore, a big creepy spider does.