Disconnected

I love technology. I am a gadget geek.  I used to have a crackberry, and I loved it.  I have had an iphone for a few years, and I have loved them all.   Between my laptop and my phone, I am pretty much always connected, and always reachable.  I think this desire for constant communication stems from my long-term self employment, but maybe it goes deeper than that.  I want to get an order, or take a call from a client without delay.  I don't want to miss a thing.

Before the days of smart phones, the first thing I did when I walked in the door was check my email.  I was an early adopter of gmail,  because I could check my email from any computer, I didn't have to be at my desk to see what was going on.  As soon as you could get email on a phone - I did.  I used to wish for a way to send short messages without making a voice call via my cell phone.  I was dreaming of texting before texting was.

Going back a little further, to the 80's, when I was a kid, I had my own phone.  It was my phone, with my own number. It was plugged into the wall, with a VERY looooooong cord.  I had call waiting, and that was the coolest thing ever!  I was connected!!  I was reachable.  In the early 90's I was a receptionist for a small company, and I used to day dream about inventing caller id.  If only I could have known the identity of the caller on the other end BEFORE I answered the phone, my job would have been so much easier!

In the early 80's we had an Apple IIe at my Dad's house and TI (as in Texas Instruments) at my Mom's house.  I took programming in high school and learned how to write programs in DOS.  I was so excited when I wrote a program that would do my Algebra homework for me!  Computers are awesome!   When I started at that receptionist job in the early 90's we used WordPerfect for DOS.  It was sort of like HTML, you had to know codes for everything just to create a document.  After a year or so I convinced the boss to buy us all new Apple computers, and laser printer.  We had hit the big time!  Man, that was fun!  I took some classes on how to use desk top publishing and spreadsheet software.  We used a mouse!  Watching the 70 year old nun in my class figure out how to double click is still one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed.

We have had internet access in our home since before Quincie was born.  That was back in the early days, before most businesses had email, and weren't even sure what it was good for.  Who did I email then?  I can't remember.  But it was COOL!
 
I used ICQ, and all the other IM platforms.  Skype was an exciting discovery, and I had to invite all my friends so I had someone to Skype with.  I am a first, or early responder in the technology communications arena.  I guess what I am trying to explain is how I arrived at this point of complete connection to my iphone and laptop.

My iphone is an extension of me.  It is my personal, offsite storage device, my external hard drive.  It is my connection to my work, my friends, my family, my community.  It is my watch, alarm clock, book shelf, radio, calendar, calculator, GPS, scriptures, address book, weather report, camera and notebook.  That is all in addition to the standard communication tasks of phone, email and text.

Last Thursday as I was wrapping up an off-site work meeting, I accidentally left my iphone in a public restroom. When I discovered it was missing, after less than 5 minutes, I ran back and it was GONE!  \(BTW, that is the first time I have sprinted in ages.)  The restroom was empty, and my phone was no where to be seen.  PANIC - RED ALERT  It was a crisis moment so I reached for my best problem solver and source of all information - my phone - but it was GONE - the source of my panic!  I was paralyzed. How do I solve a problem without my phone?  I can't call for help.  I needed to get online to use the FIND MY PHONE ap.  I  needed to contact AT&T to cancel my service before who ever found it started calling Australia or something.  I needed my PHONE, but I had NO PHONE!  Can you get a sense of my panic? 

All that panic happened in a flash while I stood there staring at the spot where I had last seen my phone, in it's brand new, shiny blue case.  Then my brain kicked in, and dug deep.  I rushed to the business office and asked if anyone had turned in a lost phone. Of course not.  I asked the receptionist to make an announcement over the PA.  I called Carl and had him start tracking it with FIND MY PHONE and to all call AT& T.  I went back to the bathroom and searched high and low, all the stalls, trash cans, all of it.  I prayed and begged for it to be returned.  A brilliant, but friendly, employee asked me if had called my service provider - "WITH WHAT????" I asked. - Genius....

Eventually I had to face the fact that it was gone.  I had to leave for a busy evening ahead, and I would have to wait until the next day to resolve my phone problems.

I had to face the busy, social evening ahead without my phone - no texts, no photos, not status updates.  I wanted to go home, get online and start tracking down a replacement asap. What I really wanted was to just go to an Apple store, or AT&T and buy a new one, on the spot.  There were time sensitive commitments that evening, and no time for any of that.  I would have to survive.

I did indeed survive.  I even think I learned a thing or two from the experience.  The drive home in rush hour traffic was hard.  I kept imagining what I would do if I were really late and couldn't call anyone to tell them.  Or, what if I had car trouble and I couldn't call for help?  What if I missed Ryker's performance?  What if I couldn't find Quincie once we got on campus?  What if I couldn't find my friends when we got to the movies and I had to sit by strangers while they were saving me seats in a different theater?  What if a client called for a home inspection and I missed the call?  What if there was a family emergency and I didn't get the call?  What if my friends sent me a text and I never saw it and then when I didn't respond they were mad at me?  or if they needed help and they thought I didn't care?  AGGGHHHHHH - all the crazy what if thinking HAD to stop!! 

I took a few deep breaths and calmed down.  It was only a phone.  It was only a thing.  It could be replaced.  My data was safe on my laptop and in the cloud. (Never mind that I had broken the space key on it earlier that day and now have to plug in a USB keyboard to use it.).  Calm Wendy, calm.  You can go a day or two without constant communication.    I made it home, and had an enjoyable evening.  No one was lost, no car trouble, no scheduling issues, not a single problem.  I was a little worried that I wouldn't wake up on time the next morning.  I don't have a clock near my bed, and only use my phone for an alarm.  I slept like a baby for those few hours, and Quincie woke me up right on time.

I had a long, quiet contemplative drive the next day.  The car radio doesn't get a good signal for a long stretch of that drive and I had to sit there in the silence with myself.  It was therapeutic.  I recommend a large dose of silence and self reflection on occasion.  It's good for the soul.

Thanks to good friends, I am back online and reconnected with my universe, but something has permanently shifted for me.  I think it was time for me to learn a thing or two about the need to disconnect on occassion and let my world go silent.  It's ok, and even good, to let all those external cares and concerns go unanswered and go within.  It's important to let the outside world stay outside, and just tend to the people in my presence.  I can go to sleep without playing a round of Words with Friends.  I can wake up to a human voice rather than a buzzing alarm.  I can drive and not worry about my arrival time  I can miss a call and let someone else be the responsible party.  I can be temporarily disconnected and my world will not fall apart.