Dear Clients that Drive Me Crazy: (I am not 24/7 Tech Support)

Here is my annual ranting post.  If the trend follows, it will probably get more page views than all of  the positive, uplifting posts I make all year combined.  A really good rant is just more entertaining than rainbows and waterfalls I guess. 

There are a few clients that have been driving me crazy lately.  They are rude, demanding, and impatient.  I would like to tell them a few  things to improve the situation, for all of us.

1. I am in Hawaii.  Unless you also live in Hawaii, my time zone is much different than yours.  It is anywhere from 3-6 hours earlier here than anywhere else in the United States.  We don't participate in Daylight Savings Time.

2. If you call me at 4am , you do NOT want me to answer your call.  I will not be coherent enough to help you, and I  might be just a little grumpy.  Calls this early will go to voice mail.

3. If I do not answer your call before the sun is up, do not call back in 20 minutes.  These calls will also go to voice mail.  I will call you back when I WAKE UP,.

4. If your need is truly urgent, and since I don't work with doctors, police officers, or firemen,  true emergencies are RARE., send me a text or email.  I may not ready to answer the phone and deal with unidentified problems that early, but if your problem is simple, I may be able to handle it without having to speak.  Give it a try, about 90% of the time, a conversation is not required.

5. Number 4 also applies if I am on the phone, in a meeting, or otherwise busy.  If you really need me, text or email.  

6. If I made the rules, there would be no speaking required before 10am.  It would just be better that way.

7. If you send me an email, I will respond when I have an answer.  Regardless of popular belief, I do not have all the answers, to all your problems immediately at my figure tips.  Give me a few minutes to at least read your email, and figure out the situation.  When I have an answer for you, I will reply. 

8. If you are rude your response time will be slower.  I can't help it, that's just how it is.  If you are nice to me, the solutions come quicker.  If you  use bad language, you might never get the response you are hoping for.

9. I am NOT tech support.  I do not know where files are stored on your computer.  I do not know what  version of software you are using.  I CAN teach you how to print to PDF, rename a file, or save something to the desktop, but it's not my job.  If you need this kind of help, please be nice.  You are asking dumb questions and if you are rude, I just won't have the patience for it. 

 10. If you are that unhappy, if we are that incompetent, why do you keep sending us work?  Why don't you take your business elsewhere?  Do you just love the conflict?  Did your wife leave you and now you have no one left to  pick fights with?  I don't get it.  This is what we do.  Most of our customers love us.  If you don't , that's ok, you can stop using us.  It  won't hurt my feelings.  In fact, I wish you would go bother the competition for awhile.

Homemade Popsicles

Tart Coconut, Creamy Nectarine, Mixed Fruit Popsicle

These homemade Popsicles are inspired by childhood memories.  One summer my brother, cousin and I spent a few weeks at our Grandma's house.  Being health conscious and always one for a hands on project, we all made frozen fruit popsicles.  We took all kinds of fresh fruit - grapes, strawberries, peaches, bananas - cut them into small pieces,and mixed them in a bowl with diet orange soda.  Then we spooned the mixture into paper Dixie cups, inserted a plastic spoon, and put them in the freezer.  That's when I decided that frozen bananas and grapes were awesome, and far superior to those at room temperature.

Mango, Lime, Coconut

The other inspiration comes from the super tasty paletas I had the supreme pleasure of eating while living in El Paso.  These are the Mexican version of frozen fruit popsicles.  I really love the coconut flavor.  My mouth waters just thinking about them.

So, I looked up a few recipes on the internet, thank you Pinterest, and went to the kitchen with Quincie o experiment.  I started with pure coconut milk.  I am lucky to live in Hawaii where such a thing is easy to purchase at any grocery store in neat little frozen packets.

After a few test runs, here are the recipes we like best so far:

Coconut Layer:

4 oz of Coconut Milk

3 teaspoons of  Sugar

1 teaspoon of Vanilla

Tart Coconut Layer:

 4 oz of Coconut Milk

2 small Limes (peeled)
1/2 of a banana

5 teaspoons of Sugar

Lime Layer:

Margareta Mix (non-alcoholic)

Mango Layer:

1 Ripe Mango

1 Ripe Banana

Creamy Nectarine Layer:

1 Ripe Nectarine

1 Ripe Banana

4 oz. of Coconut Milk

Mixed Fruit Layer:

Assorted Frozen Fruit 

(giant bag from Costco that has mango, pineapple, strawberries, etc.)

1/2 cup of Simply Lemonade or Newman's Own Lemonade

The procedure is the same for each flavor, through it all in the blender until it is smooth.  Pour a layer in Dixie cups and freeze.  When it is thick enough, but not solid, insert the stick or plastic spoon. Keep adding layers and freezing until the cups are full.  When fully frozen, tear off the paper cup and enjoy! HINT: If the coconut layer is first, the paper cup releases easier.  There is a lot of fat , the good kind, in coconut milk.

Coconut Lime Popsicle

We Saw a Waterfall Today

Shortly after waking up this morning, I told Quincie, "I want to see a waterfall today."  So, that is what we did.  We packed a simple lunch and headed for Manoa Falls.  It was a short, 1 mile hike up a super muddy trail to the falls.  It was so beautiful and a really fun day.

Life Persists

Between a rock and a hard place

Beauty thrives

Deep in the darkness

Strength is found

Against all odds

Life persists

Spider Update

The monster spider is dead.  My hero, the great spider slayer, Carl, beat it to death with the mop yesterday.  The mop is also now dead.  It was a worthy sacrifice. 

I can now resume my laundry duties without looking over my shoulder for the next sneak attack.

Big Frickin Spider!!!!

Headphones on, Stevie Wonder playing loud, I walked barefoot into my garage to move around a load of laundry.  I usually wear some slippers (flip flops for those of you not from Hawaii) around the house.  I have dogs, and well, you never know, it's just not a chance I'm usually willing to take,  Anyway ... today I seriously mopped the ENTIRE floor so I have been enjoying walking around barefoot completely secure in the cleanliness of it all.  So, as I was saying,  in my clean bare feet, I strolled on out to the garage to do a little laundry.  I opened the door and this GIANT freakin' spider pauses ever so briefly to take me in, then CHARGES me!!!!  What the crap???/!!!!

(I didn't take this photo - too busy freaking out to take a pic - found this on Google)

 
Paralyzed, with shock and fear, "Boogie on Reggae Woman" still blasting away in my ears, I uttered some sort of guttural scream.  I don't scream like a girl. My screams are deep, and come from some primitive part of me, that has nothing in common with a slasher movie soprano scream.  The thing was CHARGING me!  (did I say that before?)  Ya, charging me!  Crazy!  Did I mention that I was barefoot?  So, I can't stomp on it, More than anything I want to get my naked feet as far away from that thing as I can.   At this point it's within a couple inches of my foot, and I can just feel it running up my leg and biting me on the face!  My imagination is quick, when my body is frozen.  The adrenaline starts to flow and I think flight, flight, that's what I want to do - run!!! but I can't go forward cause that thing is in front of me, and I'm sure as heck not turning my back on it!  So, then fight, ok, I'll fight - but what do I fight with?  I need a weapon.  No hand to hand combat here.  No sir!  So with my feet still stuck like they are in sold concrete, I reach around and grab .... the MOP!  Oh ya!  That's the weapon of choice here!  It's a sponge mop, so it's a little more of a weapon on the business end, than one of those string models, but still - HIGHLY ineffective.  I manage to plop the mop directly on top of it, and the legs are sticking out the sides!!!  I told you it was BIG!!!!  I push it down hard a few times ...... hold it there ... press it into the floor some more ..... lift it just a tiny bit to see .... and it's OFF and running into the corner.  Of COURSE it runs toward the door, to the house ... Great ... is that thing gonna come in the house now??? or will it wait til later and come curl up in bed with me?

Normally I have 3 furry dogs that follow me everywhere I go, especially into the garage.  One even fancies herself a bug hunter.  Where was my fearless pack during this attack?  As far away from the garage as they could get!!  So much for protecting me!

All hyped up on adrenaline I hit up Google for some answers.  Apparently that monster in my garage is a cane spider.  They are BIG, but harmless to humans, unless you think maybe a heart attack is a health threat .....   I might just be a little glad that I didn't kill it.  They love to eat roaches, and other large, nasty things like silverfish.  I really, really, really, REALLY hate the giant roaches we have here, so maybe I am willing to live with a BIG, gross, aggressive spider in my garage if he eats all the roaches.  Maybe ....

As for the garage, well, I'm not going back there ... ever. .... we will just have to go buy new clothes cause I'm not opening that door again! .... at least not tonight anyway ...  Maybe we will just have to move.  We don't live here anymore, a big creepy spider does.  

The Sound of Memory

Why do I often feel like writing when I can barely keep my eyes open?  When my rational, organized, motivated mind gets sleepy, my creative mind has a few moments where it can sneak in and take control before the entire system shuts down.

Today I was thinking about how music is so tied to memory, and then I thought about how it is more than just music, it is sound.  The sound of your mother's voice, the sound of your baby's cry, the tornado siren, the school bell, the sound of caulk on the board, the vibration of the diving board, the phone ringing - all bring a vivid picture to mind, an instant reaction, an automatic time travel, mental teleportation to another time and place.  If you indulge your imagination, you can drag it out for a few more moments and experience again times gone by.  The unpleasant ones are a  shock, a startling emotional jar that you can't slam the door shut on fast enough.

I listen to a lot of audio books.  It's funny how the sound of the stories become attached to the location where I heard them, or the activity I was doing.  For example, I was listening to this book I didn't really like, but was persevering to at least finish it while I was helping my husband do a final clean on a wood floor job of his.  I was on the floor, scraping bits of dried glue while I listened to that lame story.  Every time I drive by that house, I think of that stupid book!  It's stuck.  That memory is all tied up in the sound of that story.  Too bad it wasn't a great book that I would love to remember.  When I mop a certain hallway I think of this fantasy novel about fairies.  It's kind of nice to be reminded of a pleasant little story while doing such a boring household chore. 

I can't tell you how many times I have been in a store and snapped to attention when I heard a child call out , "MOM".  It's not my child, but the sound of a distressed child calling my "name" gets my attention.  It's an automatic reaction.  A baby crying will do similar things to me.  It's a deep response, at my core, the need to respond to that sound.

There is the song one of my yoga teachers used to play during the final relaxation phase.  Five notes in and I'm relaxed.  It's awesome.  I should keep that song cued up and ready to play when the day gets too tense and I'm ready to scream.  Instant relaxation.

Kashmir, that takes me back to one of the most enjoyable times of my life.  Band practice, in the basement of our house in Utah.  I hear that song and I am happy.  It's pretty awesome that song is as long as it is.  Keep the good vibes rollin' ...

There is nothing like the sound of a good rain storm to put me to sleep.  It can be 2pm, and I am in the middle of a project, if the rain starts, I want to go to sleep.  It's auto pilot, rainy day, sleep mode for me.  Riding in a car has that effect on me too.  If I am a passenger I will likely fall asleep.  I think that might have less to do with sound, and more to do with all the Dramamine induced sleepy car rides of my childhood.

When I fly I often fall asleep to the sound of the flight attendant's voice  telling us about seat cushion floatation devises and wake up to the sound of the wheels dropping.  More sound induced conditioning.  Just like that dog of Pavlov ....

Often as I work I listen to music.  It keeps me company.  The memories the songs evoke bring old friends along to hang out while I sit here at my desk.  Without them, the silence is deafening, the solitude suffocating. 

My Food Philosophy

I'm not a vegetarian, vegan, or health food fanatic.  I am concerned about eating healthy, but I am a realist.  I don't want to spend hours of every day preparing food.  I don't want to spend any more of my money for my food than is necessary.  These are not rigid rules, and I make PLENTY of exceptions.  Food is to be enjoyed, and rigid rules squash the fun if you ask me.

1.  I don't drink caffeine. I gave it up completely a few years ago. I don't drink much soda of any kind, but when I do it is never caffeinated, and never diet.  The stuff is bad. It rots your teeth, causes headaches, and all sorts of other nasty stuff.  It's not worth the flavor.  It's weird, after not having any for a long time, the actual taste isn't that great either.  It tastes like a bunch of chemicals.  Speaking of chemicals ...
2.  I really don't like anything with artificial sweeteners.  Fake sugar is just wrong.  If I am going to eat something sweet, give it to me with the real deal.  I'm ok with some of the natural sweeteners, like honey, fruit, etc.  but not those chemically derived, so called "natural" sweeteners.  Just give me the good stuff, in moderation, thank you.
3. I generally avoid "fake" food.  You know, things like, "processed cheese food", margarine, fruit "dink", candy that tastes like plastic, etc.  You know what I mean, the stuff that has more chemicals in the ingredient list  than recognizable food, with a  nutritional value of zero.
4. I avoid the microwave. When you microwave food you kill a lot of the nutrients.  I try to avoid using it.   I'm not rigid about this, just avoid it when possible.  I usually thaw frozen food in a bowl of room temperature water instead of nuking it.
5. I don't over salt my food.  I cook with some, but leave it to the individual eating it to salt it to their taste.  I don't like my food too salty.  A lot of processed, canned foods are so salty that I don't like the taste of them.
6. I prefer to use sea salt over the highly processed, iodized, table salt we grew up with.  Sea salt tastes GREAT!  There is just no getting around it.  If there are health benefits, woo hoo!
7. I prefer locally grown, non genetically altered, chemical free produce.  I would really like it if I could grow all I eat myself, but I'm just not that ambitious.  The local produce tastes so much better.  Here in Hawaii, the stuff grown elsewhere has been on a boat for WEEKS and you can tell.  Maybe the tomatoes are more round, but they taste like water logged cardboard.  I won't however, pay $7/pound for organic tomatoes.  Being concerned about the quality of my food supply, doesn't make me an economic fool.
8. I prefer to eat chocolate that was NOT produced by slaves, child or otherwise.  Most of the world's chocolate supply comes from the Ivory Coast and I don't like their methods.  Human beings are more important than a tasty treat.  Luckily, we grow plenty of chocolate here in Hawaii, without the use of slave labor.  Hawaiian chocolate is very delicious!  I also like Green & Black's peanut and sea salt chocolate bar.  They are a high quality, free trade, chocolate company.
9. Give me real butter, or give me death.  No, not really, but I really don't see the point in eating anything called "vegetable spread" that clearly has no vegetables in it.  Just like the sugar thing, if I'm going to eat it, I want the real deal.
10. What about meat?  Well, I love a good steak! Sometimes a medium rare, filet mignon hot off the grill is EXACTLY what my body craves and needs.  But not every day or at every meal.  I tend to eat meat in smaller quantities than the side dishes on my plate, and for many meals I have no meat at all.  When I was in Jr. High my parents raised chickens and pigs for food.  I think if more people had to "process" their own meat, even once, they would eat less of it.  Meat does not magically appear in the freezer.  It was once a living, breathing creature, and it takes a lot of work to get that steak on your plate. 

If I were to sum up my food philosophy it would be something like this.....

Eat real food, grown as close to home, and processed as little as possible.  Eat less chemicals, and more whole food.  Eat less meat, and more veggies.  Eat food that is produced responsibly, and be wiling to vote with my dollar.