I Really Should Be Sleeping

I have an early morning ahead of me, and I really should be asleep.  It is true that we make time to do what we really want to do.  Even when our days are long and full, if we really want it, we can squeeze out a few minutes for those things we are most passionate about.  Apparently I am passionate about Words with Friends.  I find time to play WWF everyday ☺!

Back in January I had some high hopes and opened my big mouth and boldly declared that I would have a rough draft of a book ready by my birthday - HA!  September seemed like a  l  o  o  o  o  o n g  way off.  It was not. I was wrong. It was an incredibly short span of time, and I was totally ridiculous, and overly optimistic to think that I could produce anything remotely like a manuscript in less than 9 months.  Crazy talk. 

My birthday came and went.  It was a great day, I felt loved, but no book was written.  No outline, no draft, no nothing, zip ....

I have decided that, yes, I want to write a book, and no, I did not want to bad enough to actually do it in the last 9 months.  I have also decided that it is difficult, if not impossible, for me to schedule creativity.  I can't put, "be creative", on a to do list like, say, "go to the bank".  It just doesn't work.  I think what may work for me is to put things on my to do list that inspire creativity.  Rather than the actual task of creating, I need to schedule time to ponder, observe, experience new things, read, relax.  My daily lists need to include things like - hike, walk, watch the sunrise, watch the sunset, go to the beach, go to lunch with friends, read a book, take a class, study a subject.  When I do these things, my mind becomes more active and creativity flows.  When my creative mind is working, you can't stop me from writing.

The Sound of Memory

Why do I often feel like writing when I can barely keep my eyes open?  When my rational, organized, motivated mind gets sleepy, my creative mind has a few moments where it can sneak in and take control before the entire system shuts down.

Today I was thinking about how music is so tied to memory, and then I thought about how it is more than just music, it is sound.  The sound of your mother's voice, the sound of your baby's cry, the tornado siren, the school bell, the sound of caulk on the board, the vibration of the diving board, the phone ringing - all bring a vivid picture to mind, an instant reaction, an automatic time travel, mental teleportation to another time and place.  If you indulge your imagination, you can drag it out for a few more moments and experience again times gone by.  The unpleasant ones are a  shock, a startling emotional jar that you can't slam the door shut on fast enough.

I listen to a lot of audio books.  It's funny how the sound of the stories become attached to the location where I heard them, or the activity I was doing.  For example, I was listening to this book I didn't really like, but was persevering to at least finish it while I was helping my husband do a final clean on a wood floor job of his.  I was on the floor, scraping bits of dried glue while I listened to that lame story.  Every time I drive by that house, I think of that stupid book!  It's stuck.  That memory is all tied up in the sound of that story.  Too bad it wasn't a great book that I would love to remember.  When I mop a certain hallway I think of this fantasy novel about fairies.  It's kind of nice to be reminded of a pleasant little story while doing such a boring household chore. 

I can't tell you how many times I have been in a store and snapped to attention when I heard a child call out , "MOM".  It's not my child, but the sound of a distressed child calling my "name" gets my attention.  It's an automatic reaction.  A baby crying will do similar things to me.  It's a deep response, at my core, the need to respond to that sound.

There is the song one of my yoga teachers used to play during the final relaxation phase.  Five notes in and I'm relaxed.  It's awesome.  I should keep that song cued up and ready to play when the day gets too tense and I'm ready to scream.  Instant relaxation.

Kashmir, that takes me back to one of the most enjoyable times of my life.  Band practice, in the basement of our house in Utah.  I hear that song and I am happy.  It's pretty awesome that song is as long as it is.  Keep the good vibes rollin' ...

There is nothing like the sound of a good rain storm to put me to sleep.  It can be 2pm, and I am in the middle of a project, if the rain starts, I want to go to sleep.  It's auto pilot, rainy day, sleep mode for me.  Riding in a car has that effect on me too.  If I am a passenger I will likely fall asleep.  I think that might have less to do with sound, and more to do with all the Dramamine induced sleepy car rides of my childhood.

When I fly I often fall asleep to the sound of the flight attendant's voice  telling us about seat cushion floatation devises and wake up to the sound of the wheels dropping.  More sound induced conditioning.  Just like that dog of Pavlov ....

Often as I work I listen to music.  It keeps me company.  The memories the songs evoke bring old friends along to hang out while I sit here at my desk.  Without them, the silence is deafening, the solitude suffocating.