Additional Thoughts on Christmas

Last night's post might have come off a little harsh.  I am in actuality feeling rather in the Christmas spirit.  I've been listening to Christmas music, and singing along, in the car for a couple weeks.  The choir was awesome in church last week and I was glad that we got to sing along to a couple of my favorites.

Our Relief Society Christmas party is tonight and I'm really looking forward to it.  Quincie and I (Quincie's are prettier) made a TON of really awesome snowflakes for the table decorations.  I think they look amazing!

I am not grumpy about Christmas.  I just don't enjoy all the superficial hype.  The attitude of scarcity that starts on Black Friday is the opposite of the true spirit of Christmas.  The message of Christ is good news, it is love and hope for everyone, not just the first 5 in line.  His love extends to all and so in our celebration of his birth we should extend our love to all.  It's not about stuff - it's about love.

Thoughts on Christmas

I'm feeling a little disgusted with the general atmosphere out there in the world right now.  I just want to stay home, or go run away into the wilderness.  I just don't understand all the hype about "stuff".  I have been out of drinking water and milk for 3 days now.  I don't want to go to the store.  All the insanity about rushing to buy the latest, or hurry and buy this or that before they are sold out is making me crazy and wanting to be a hermit. I don't care if they are giving away the thing for FREE, there is no way you are getting me out of bed in the middle of the night to go stand in line to pick it up.  There is nothing I want that bad.

I finally broke down and went to the grocery store tonight.  I was half way into making dinner and realized I was out of tomato sauce.  Stuffed peppers NEED tomato sauce, so off I went.  While I was there I refilled my drinking water jug and bought some milk, and then I was out of there!  Thankfully the real Christmas trees just sold out.  That means that the parking lot can return to some sort of normal.  It's not like there are tons of parking spaces available on a normal day.  For  the last 2 weeks a fourth of the parking lot has been taken up by the massive tent selling trees.  Dead trees that smell wonderful, but are nonetheless dead. 

Anyway, I'm irritated.  Irritated that the stores are full of pushy, aggressive people competing with each other for parking spots, and then Christmas deals.  I'm irritated that the stores are pushing people to buy things they just don't need, and won't want in a month.  I'm irritated with the general selfishness and shallowness of the whole ball of wax.

I don't have any Christmas decorations up at home yet.  It's not that I'm anti Christmas, we are just undecided about real vs. fake and I'm not dragging out the boxes until we know what the heck we are doing with that stuff.  I don't want to be tripping over it for the next 3 weeks.  That will only get me more irritated.

All this might make me sound like a Hum Bug, a regular old Scrooge, but I'm not, promise.  I LOVE Christmas, but I DON'T love all this superficial crap.  I'm not big on decorations period - either for my house or for myself, and Christmas is the only holiday that gets any decorating around here..  My walls have a few things on them, but mostly they are pretty bare.  I like empty space.  I like simplicity.  I like things to look clean and uncluttered.  I don't wear a lot of jewelry or make up.  I'm just not into all the glitz.  I kind of think trees look really great in the forest, not necessarily in my living room.  And then there is the work factor to consider.

What comes up, must come down.  If I'm not excited about the task of putting it up, can you imagine how I will feel about taking it down?  With my current attitude what decorations do go up could be there till Easter.  When I think of the cost of buying, and shipping presents, a real tree, the stand, and all the ju ju that goes with it, the cards, stamps, blah, blah, blah, I get a little grumpy.  I'd rather take that cash and do something meaningful with it, or at least really fun - like a party!  or a trip! or at the very least some really yummy food.  The time savings, well, I can think of a MILLION other things I'd rather do than shop and decorate!  Taking a nap is at the top of my list of better things to do.

I love parties, and I like presents.  I will go to all the parties I am invited too and open any presents that come my way with a big smile on my face.  I will sing, and I will dance (if I get the chance).  But, I won't  go fight the crowds and waste my time and money on useless endeavors that just become next month's trash..

Life's a Party

Life's a party and today is one of those boring parties with bad food.  You know the kind, you don't want to go, but you feel obligated out of guilt or pity or some other dismal emotion.  You go, your one of a handful of guests, and you end up staying to the bitter end so the host doesn't have to clean up alone.  It's all obligation, and no joy.  What this party needs is some live music and cupcakes!

Well, today wasn't exactly like that for me, but it illustrates my point.  Sometimes the way I spend the hours in my day seem so boring and pointless, all obligation and no joy.  Why do I get myself obligated to dull, drudgery?  How is it that I am shut off from fun and excitement?  I really gotta step it up a bit and start living.  Shake this funk that's hanging around my head, step out of the clouds and into the sun.  

The Box

The box arrived in the usual fashion.  The delivery truck barreled down the street, the driver rushed out, rang the door bell, and dropped the box on the stoop with an unceremonious plop, then rushed off to repeat the process all over town at other doorsteps.  Some of those packages held birthday presents, books from Amazon, new clothes or replacement cell phones for those accidentally flushed.  Some were surprises, and others were expected, and a few, like the cell phones, were eagerly stalked and tracked every step of the way.

My box held none of these things.  It was expected, but not with great enthusiasm.  In fact when it arrived, it sat and starred at me from the couch for a couple of days before I could open it.  I started too, but I just wasn't ready.  It was sent with love and contained precious treasure, but no shipping insurance could recover the cost if the items were lost.  It was a plain brown, well worn box.  It bore the familiar hand writing on the address panel.  I have always envied that hand writing.  Mine always looks like that of a 2nd grader in comparison.  Neat, even, loopy in all the right places - that's my Mom - she's just like her hand writing - neat, even, and loopy in all the right ways.

Mom was the sender of the box, but the items were not directly from her.  They were a gift from the past, physical manifestations of memories, tangible reminders of love, a connection to the generation before her that lived, and loved, and is now gone.  But not gone, just moved on, or over, off the visible screen, but still here.  The items in the box are a physical link to the reality of my grandparents lives.  They lived.  They had a home, and children, and grandchildren, and all of us are still here, even when they are not.  The things they left behind help remind us that our memories are true.  They lived in that small house on Picotte Street and filled it with love, elephants, music boxes and old cars.  They filled their lives with children  grandchildren, and great grandchildren, and now each holds that love in their heart, and a music box, or a cookie jar, or an elephant or some jewelry in their hand..

The things in my box help me to remember, help me to remain connected to where I came from.  So long ago we all sat in front of the photographer - Grandma and all the girls - her 4 granddaughters.  It was such a fun day.  Grandma telling us to stand up straight and make sure our ears didn't stick out.  We waited so long for our turn, all the while laughing and joking.  That image hung on their wall, our 2 dimensional faces beaming those happy smiles at her every day, while our  3 dimensional smiles were far away.  It was us who left first.  We went away to school, got married, had babies.  She held the memory of us all together close for nearly 3 decades, there on the wall.  Now it hangs on my wall, and I see those beaming smiles, and those straight shoulders and feel that love.  We are together again in those moments.   We have never parted.  We are connected.

Sleepy Thoughts

My days start before the sun.  I love the look of the sky at 5am, it's a deep, dark blue, and the stars shine bright against that cool blueness.  The sun is rising somewhere and the black of night has warmed to a soothing blue.  The world is quiet at that hour, until my neighbor starts his Corvette about 5:10 and leaves for work.  The sound of that 1970's engine roaring to life brings back childhood memories for me..  It's not an unpleasant break in the silence.  Just like that, it is gone, and the silence returns.  By 6am the neighborhood is awake.  The runners, the dog walkers, the bus catchers, are all out on foot.  The cars are backing out and lining up at the hundred year light leaving the neighborhood.

Fifteen hours later, I am beat.  My head is fuzzy and my back hurts from sitting in this chair, staring at this screen all day.  Yet, still, I sit, and write these words.  Tonight in my feverish sleepiness I feel compelled to spill my thoughts out into the world.  My head feels crowded, too many thoughts getting all tangled up in there.  It's time to let a few out.

The sky is dark, and cloud covered, the air is still and sticky.  The humidity clinging like the hopelessly undone tasks of the day, refusing to let go, begging for one more moment's notice. The sound of distant TV's, dishwashers and A/C's blend into a form of silence. 


Tonight I am sleepy, easily lulled to sleep I looked without the filter for as long as I could today.  The sky trades sun for moon and my  eyes softly close into rest.

Way Over Due

Here are some photos of my long over due visit to Colorado.  It had been years since I had seen many members of my family.  Life is too short, and family is too precious to let time slide by like that again.

 The Noring Clan -  Mandy, Rod, Dad, Rik, Me, Florece, Cherie, Scott (top row) Aubrey, Kathie, Grandma Edlyn, Sandie, Taylor, Jordan, David (center row) Kaeili, Dagny, Carlie, Ricky (front row)

 Wendy, Rik, David, Cherie, Dad and Sandie

 Wendy and Grandma Edlyn

 Rik, Florece, Dagny, Carlie, and Ricky

 Tina, Mandy, Kathie and Rod

Dagny lost a tooth Saturday morning.

Rik getting ready to auto cross

Abram and Aaron

Aleck, Aina, Auntie Wendy, Alana and Ani

 Rik and Wendy at AutoCross

Ramblings on the Plane

I am so freakin bored!  It's killing me not to turn on my  phone.  I think I have a problem.... All I want to do is play a little scrabble.  What did I do before gadgets?  I used to read actual books.  What did I do with my hands?  Oh ya - turn pages ...
Just watched "Grown Ups".  It made me tear up.  Am I really that overly emotional?  I guess I just saw how they were all friends having fun with their kids.  I am determined to keep having fun.  All the stress is just pointless.  Something snapped inside of me this weekend.  The stress button just flipped off.  I am really just cool with letting things roll.

It's hard to say just what the trigger was, the straw that broke the camels back.  So much of significance has happened in the last week.  My grandfather Teusink passed away a week ago today.  For years I have worried about that day.  I always worried how my mom would handle it.  Turns out she's become a lot tougher than I knew. I wasn't able to be there with her.  I was in Colorado Springs at my Dad's  It was the first time I have seen him in about 6 years. [I don't want to write anymore]

This seat has a lot of room, but the arm rest is weird - can't use the left one unless you sit too far forward - strange ...

Watching Monk now - Bored!  Why do some people love this stuff so much?  It's just boring.  Where are the cell phones?  Cops, professionals locked in a bank vault and not a one has a cell phone or a radio???  See what I mean?  Stupid!!  Only a moron could find this engaging.

I've been praying for clarity for a few months now.  I want to see things as they really are.  I think it is starting to happen.  It's like a light has turned on.  Reality is not always easy to look at.  Sometimes the facade we create is much better looking, but much less useful.  I find it quite refreshing.  It's easier to love people.  Not because you ignore their faults, but because you embrace them with their faults.  Seeing people as they really are makes most of them much more lovable.

Observing so much of my family this weekend was so interesting and educational.  With four generations interacting, the patterns were evident, the connections from one to another weak or strong, shape the fabric of the whole.  Love is the bridge that covers the deep water of pain, ties the broken cords, mends the broken fence.

How easy it is to create a joyful experience with our open heart and clear vision.  Seeing through the bluster, the pure motives are laid bare.

[The sun is setting.   From the plane window the horizon is glowing pink - gorgeous!]

[Now they are showing 30 Rock - Nos so stupid.  Tina Fey is ok in my book - kinda reminds me of someone :)]

Did I mention that I hate saying good bye?  It really sucks.  I don't like crying - I cried this weekend - kind of a lot .... Sometimes love hurts.

Flying into the sunset.

Grandma Edlyn

On my recent trip to Colorado I was able to spend some time with my Grandmother.  While at her house I took some photos of photos she had hanging on her walls.  The top photo is of her and I on Saturday October 2, 2010 at my Dad's house in Pueblo.  The center photo is of my grandparents shortly after they were married.  They were both 19, and obviously he was in the Navy.  The bottom photo is of my Grandmother as a young woman.  I have no idea how old she is, but I think she looks like a movie star!