Circling the Base of the Mountain

I went to a church meeting this week, and something one of the speakers said really struck a chord with me.   He said that he lives near this mountain, that is rather steep, and has hiked it a few times.  Each time, before the hike, he has walked the path at the base of the mountain, which is a nice, easy path, contemplating how hard the hike is going to be.  He thinks about how unprepared he is, how old, out of shape, etc he is, as he circles the base of this mountain.

I have been circling the base of the mountain for a long time now.  I keep walking the familiar path, musing about how hard it would be to get to where I want to be.  I am unprepared, too old, too out of shape, to make that climb., so I continue to circle.  I circle and circle, looking up, and thinking how I'll never get there.  Thinking how amazing it must be up there, but not sure if I'm up to the climb.

This path at the base of the mountain is an easy one.  If it weren't for that looming mountain in the middle constantly reminding me that it's there to climb, I'd be quite content to circle forever.  Or would I?
It gets pretty boring, playing it small and safe, walking the flat, circular path of familiarity.  There are no surprises, no victories, no discoveries, no amazing views, just the same old thing, over and over again.  No risk, and no reward.

The only way to climb a mountain is to put one foot on the path pointing up, and let the other follow.  One step at a time, in the right direction.  The pace is not important, only the direction and that you keep moving.  If I'm not prepared, I need to get prepared.  If I'm not fit to climb, I better get fit.  All this circling and musing is wasting too much time.  If I think I am too old now, I'll only be that much older if I keep putting things off.

So, ok, I'm tired of circling.  It's getting boring down here looking at all the tree trunks.  I think it is time to start that climb and see the view from the clouds.

Waves

Life is like the ocean.  Sometimes it is calm and peaceful, and sometimes it is a raging storm.  Even during the peaceful times, there are waves and currents.  The tides roll in, the tides roll out, day after day, without fail.  The ocean is always teaming with life and activity.  It is never still.  It is always changing.  Life is exactly like this.

 If you attempt to sit still in the ocean, you are carried one way or another by waves and currents.  It takes some action on your part to direct your path, or to even stay in one place.  You have to swim, tread water, kick, paddle, drop an anchor, do something, or you are going to be moved.  If you pause, for even a moment, the current can move you great distances. The ocean is a powerful force, even when peaceful. 

Have you ever stood at the beach and let the waves rush over you?  Not ready to jump right in to all the chaos, you timidly walk down to where water meets sand and inch your way in. As you stand there enjoying the cool flood over your hot feet, WHAM!  a huge wave comes and knocks you on your butt.  As you try to stand, the sand under you rushes away, pulled back into the water with the receding wave, you lose your footing, and down you go again.  As you struggle, another wave comes along, and you are rolled.  That second wave doesn't need to be very big to knock you over, since you haven't fully recovered from the first one.  You are only sort of standing, and very unsteady.  As wave after wave continues to hit, you tumble, and roll, struggle, and gasp.  Eventually, you back up, and retreat to higher ground, or dive on in and try to get all the sand out of your pants.

Inching towards a big change in life can be frightening.  We approach with caution, and inch our way in.  Standing there, hesitating, we can get hit with a big wave, a devastating set back, like a major illness, job loss, death of a loved one, etc.  Then when we are down, and still struggling to stand, even the smallest waves can knock us back down, and keep us down, tumbling us over and over, as we struggle to breath and stand.  Sometimes it seems like those waves keep on coming, and that we are going to drown, that the ocean will win, and drag us out to sea.  We might even need a friend to rescue us and pull us one way or another, out of the line of fire.

The best way to go for a swim in the ocean, is to run and dive right on in.  Dive over the wave, into the wave, or under it.  When you are swimming, you cannot be knocked down.  The wave loses it's power when you stop resisting, and go with the flow.  What is a powerful force at the shore, capable of knocking you flat, is a gentle rocking motion when you are bobbing along in the middle of it.  If you are swimming under the surface, it feels like nothing at all.  While standing, or treading water, if a large wave approaches, and you aren't paying attention, you can still get walloped good.  A face full of salt water that leaves you sputtering, but still upright.  If you see it coming, all it takes is a little hop just at the right moment, and you float along, with your head safely above the surface. Resisting is what causes all the trouble.

In life, it's just the same.  It's the resistance to life's changes,and challenges that bring all the destruction and pain.  When we fight against the inevitable, when we hesitate to take the next step, that's when life really knocks us down.  We have to pay attention, see what is coming our way, and then jump on board, and ride the wave.  When we resist, we go under, we sputter, and gasp.  Life is never going to be like a reflection pool - still and perfectly clear.  It keeps moving, and changing.  Every day we have new things come our way.  Life changes.  If we don't figure out how to adapt and change with it, we suffer, and life is harder than it needs to be.

Learning to anticipate the waves, and jump into them, rather than resist, helps smooth out the ride.  If you see a future challenge coming, do what you can to prepare for it, and when it hits - jump up to great it, rather then try to out run it, you will float along with only a minor disruption.  You can't out run, or out swim, the waves of change that life brings.  Babies grow up, kids get married, people get sick, we have to move, jobs are lost, cars break down, we grow old, and everyone of us will eventually die.  You can't avoid these normal life events.  You can prepare, you can be watchful, and you can embrace each new wave as it comes your way.  You can jump in and live life, rather than stand on the shore and let the waves beat you down.  You must keep moving, if you wish to have any peace.  There is no such thing as standing still.

Some Kinda Funk

Do you remember all those posts about yoga, and the Y?  I sounded so enthusiastic about the whole deal, didn't I?  So why the heck haven't I been to yoga in two weeks, or the Y in like 8?? I have less than zero motivation to exercise right now.  The only thing I have been doing is walking the dogs, and then only when I have to.  Chester begs to go, and is about as persistent as a 4 year old child who wants candy at the grocery store.  It's really hard to ignore him when he is determined to go for a walk.  He just won't shut up.  He does this weird growl, cry talking kind of thing.  It sounds like a kid talking back, giving sass, under their breath.  Thank goodness for that crazy back talking dog, or I might never get out of this chair. 

I know if I just forced myself to get up and go I would feel better.  The reward would be almost immediate.  But not quite instant enough to compete with my nice comfy bed.  A few weeks ago I at least had the legitimate excuse of being too busy to fit it in my schedule.  Early morning inspection appointments really did get in the way there for a while.  That is where this started.  But now, this week, the only excuse is that I just don't feel like it.  I've been toying with the idea that maybe I have a bug or something, making me more tired than usual.  I'm looking for something to pin it on, other than I'm just a lazy slug.  I think something must be broken.  Can I really be this lazy, just by choice?

While walking the dogs tonight I was struck with a fleeting moment of motivation.  I was all set to publicly state my commitment to daily exercise.  I will get up and go whether I fell like it or not!  I WAS going to say that.  But, now, well, I'm not so sure.  I'm not feelin' it like I was a couple hours ago.

I do feel some sort of a second wind, and I am awake writing this rather than passed out on my high thread count sheets like I normally am at this hour.  I guess it's probably from the exercise.  See, I know I really should get up and do SOMETHING first thing in the morning, rather than just sleep in until I am needed.  I could get a lot done with that post exercise boost of energy.

That's an interesting thought.  How often do we, or I, do nothing until we are required to.  Do we sleep until the alarm goes off?  Do we set the alarm to allow for just enough time to get ready before we have to leave?  Do we sit and wait until duty calls us from our couch or bed?  I don't think I really want to live my life like that.  It doesn't sound much like living.  Doing only what is required, and not until it is required.  Some lazy human variation on "conservation of energy".

It really is pretty pathetic to sit or sleep, or otherwise wait around, for some obligation to force you into action, rather than getting up, and moving of your own free will. " What do you do with your free will?  I do nothing.  I don't have to so I just do nothing. "  Pathetic.  I gotta get up and move.

For tonight, I'm just going to get up out of this office chair, and move up the stairs to bed.  Maybe in the morning I'll move on to something interesting, or productive.  Maybe, if I feel like it.

Stuff and Nonsense

Why is it that when I am driving around I think of all these things I want to write about, and then when I get here, to the blank blog, my brain goes empty?  It's nothing but a big fat DUH....... up there right now.

I've learned so many new things in the last week or so.  Lots of Word Press stuff.  Every day I spend working on Word Press makes me more sure of my decision to stick with Blogger. Blogger is so much more intuitive, at least to my mind.  Anyway, I feel like a rock star when I learn something new, and make WordPress do what I want.  Those are small, private little victory parities.  Not always quiet, cause I jump and shout, but usually without an audience.

We have a new puppy.  I love puppies (insert line from Nacho Libre), but I hate puppy pee, and poo.  House training a new puppy is nasty business.  She's small - hooray for tablespoon size puddles!! and smart - hooray for learning quickly!!  It is dog number 3 for me in 3 years, so I guess I should be much  better at the training now than I was the first time.  She's tiny, cute, super crazy adorable, fluffy, half pom and half chihuahua, and named Cocoa.  I'm not sure what she weighs, but I think around a pound or two.  Tiny - very tiny.  That's what I end up calling her most of them time, Tiny.  She's going to think that is what her name is, if I keep it up.

Ryker is home from China - Ya!  Carl is another year older, and Quincie is now a legal adult.  That means I am now the mother of adult children, who live at home.  For the moment -  College starts in September and if the plans they are cooking up come together we will be empty nesters.  I'm not sure what I think about that.  I guess that's what the puppies are good for.... or something like that.

I'm still trying to figure out how to get the type of work I really want to do.  Things are shifting, and improving, but I still spend way too much time doing things that I don't really feel are right for me.  I should be doing what I'm good at, not struggling to be good at anything that needs to be done.  I want to write.  I am particularly found of writing "How To" instructions.  I like to take complicated, technical junk and translate it into regular speak.  For my next trick I am going to write a how-to manual for the non-techy, 60+ set for ipods.  There are thousands of people out there being denied the joy of audio books, podcasts, and spotify, just because they don't speak techese.  I think Apple should pay me for this.  Big bucks - it's going to increase their sales.  Just wait.  It won't be like the "Idiot's Guide" or "For Dummies" series.  These people are not stupid, just from a different era.

On another note, my hair is now long enough to put up in chopsticks again.  Exciting news, isn't it??  I used to put it up in a bun with a chopstick all the time.  It a great way to get the hot stuff off my neck.  I've been letting it grow again, and didn't realize just how long it was.  It's half way down my back!  How old can you be and still have long hair and not be considered a weirdo?  Please don't say 40 ....

Frustration

Ok, what's the deal with the all new Blogger?  It might look the same to you, but on the back end, things are definitely different.  So far, it seems pretty easy to figure out.  Analytics and Reader are integrated into my dashboard - cool!  I love Google.  Speaking of which, have you started using Google+?  If you need an invite, just let me know and I will shoot one out to you.


Anyway .... I get so frustrated with myself sometimes.  Tonight at yoga was no exception.  I really hate it when I can/t get my bones and muscles to do what my brain envisions.  In my mind I am flexible and strong.  In reality, not so much.  My hamstrings are strung so tight they feel like they could snap.  My hips are tight, my shoulders are tight, my lower back is weak, my upper body is week, my thighs are jiggly and my abs are squishy.  This is not the body I have in my mental world, and it is frustrating.

When I first started yoga at the YMCA, all I wanted to do was touch my toes.  I had no idea.  Recently I started going to Yoga4Ewa.  It's the real deal, no false sense of competency in this place. I really, really love it.  I learn so much at every class.  The first thing I learned was how little I know. 

Tonight we were working on headstands.  Specifically, using your abs to lift up into a headstand, not your legs.  I did it, sort of, once - for a second or two - maybe.  I know just what to do, my muscles just don't obey.  I want to be strong.  I want to be flexible.  To get there I must be diligent, and I must be patient. Hence, the frustration.

Tonight I pushed myself to work very hard.  Great big drops of sweat rolled off my face and on to the mat.  Yoga, with Tasha, is the only time that has ever happened to me.  I don't sweat like that, ever - not running, not dancing, not even sitting in the hot sun at the beach.  All that sweating has to mean progress is happening somewhere.

I know this for sure - yoga helps me manage the stress of ordinary life. When I am upside down, trying to keep my elbows in, shoulders down, head looking back, hips back, toes up, and legs straight, there is no room left in my brain for anything else, except maybe breathing - if I am lucky. There just isn't space for one more thought, and that is lovely.

The Connection between Love and Abundance

I heard something interesting yesterday. The big 3 of life are 1. Health 2. Wealth 3. Love, and not necessarily in that order. If you have those 3, then life is pretty sweet. If one or more is messed up, then, well, not so much. That isn't news, and not all that interesting. What was interesting is this ....

If you are lacking wealth, you can't expect it to fall out of the sky and land in your lap. The way we get money, is through our interactions with other people, through relationships. If you are unemployed, who is going to hire you?  A person is. If you have a job, you have to keep the boss happy. And who is the boss, yes, again, a person.  If you own a business, you have to keep your customers happy.  And who are customers?  People.. Even if you are kid, you have to keep Mom and Pop happy to keep the allowance money flowing. Anyway you look at it, cash flows from person to person. So, if you are having money troubles, what you really have are people troubles.

Puts a whole interesting new spin on it for me. My brain has been analyzing my life in a whole new light the last 24 hours. Here are are some questions to ponder.

1. Do you think that you have to grovel for your pay?
2. Do you think that other people need their money more than they need to pay you?
3. Do you over pay for things?
4. Do you buy things to give you a sense of power?
5. Do you think you are over paid for your work?
6. Do you expect people to cheat you?
7. Do you think that the only way to get ahead is by being dishonest?
8. Do you think being poor is noble?
9. Do you know how to ask for what you want with confidence?
10. Do you know what it feels like to have more than enough for your ideal life?

Those are money issues, but at the heart of it all, it's about love. How so? Well, let me try and explain.

1. Do you think you have to grovel for your pay? (or any other physical need)
When we grovel, we debase ourselves. We grovel because we feel like the other person has power over us, that they are superior, and we are worth far less. This action comes from an extreme lack of self worth, a lack of love in the relationship with that person, and a lack of love for our self.

2. Do you think that other people need their money more than they need to pay you?
Are you willing to take less pay so the company can have more profit?  Are you willing to work for less than you are worth because the customer can't afford your standard price?  Are you willing to discount yourself, for the sole benefit of another?  If you do, then you are trying to buy love and acceptance at the cost of your self respect.  Everyone wants a good deal, but there is a line that should not be crossed.  Why does their desire for a bargain out way your desire for an abundant life?  There is a fair price, that is fair to all parties.  If someone expects you to give more than is fair, they do not value you and giving in to their demands will not raise your standing with them, it will lower it.


3. Do you over pay for things?
Over paying is emotionally and energetically the same as working for too little.  It is an attempt to buy acceptance and love.  In a way you are are telling the company, or person you are dealing with, that you value them more than you value yourself.  You are using your wealth to manipulate others into giving you what you want - respect, acceptance, inclusion, and ultimately love.

4. Do you buy things to give you a sense of power?
I remember when I was a kid and I had $3 in my pocket at McDonald's.  I felt this amazing sense of power when I realized that I had the ability to purchase anything on the menu.  (I know, this totally dates me, cause $3 won't buy you squat today).  I felt very powerful, and just a little bit prideful, standing there like a big shot ordering my Big Mac, fries, shake, AND a hot apple pie.  My parents almost never took us to McDonald's and they certainly never bought those silly apple pie things.

Seriously, do you every buy something expensive, or have your hair done, because you crave that feeling of power?  When you walk into the store you know they have to put up with your crap because you are the one with the cash?  How about taking your friends out to eat and paying for everyone, to give yourself a little boost in the ego?  It's not the buying of nice things, or the treating your friends that is the problem, it is the WHY you do it that is the problem.  Again, it comes down to love, or the lack there of.

5. Do you think you are over paid for your work?
Unless you really are being paid $100/hour to sit and watch TV, this is a false belief about your worth as a human being.  Do you love yourself enough to just let the good stuff come your way, or are you always undermining your own success?  Are you happy stuck in the muck, and afraid to let yourself rise above to where you really deserve to be?  Who are you to determine what your services, skills, or expertise are worth to another?  You might think it is easy, but to someone else it might just be priceless.


6. Do you expect people to cheat you?
If you expect people to cheat you, then you will be cheated.  Expecting the worst, means you have very little regard for your fellow human beings, or yourself.  You think the world is out to get you, and with that attitude, you are probably right.  Expecting the worst in others leaves no room for love, or respect.  At the root of thinking like this is the false belief that life is a zero sum game.  It is not, there is plenty for all.


7. Do you think that the only way to get ahead is by being dishonest?
This is the other side of the same coin as expecting others to cheat you.  At the core, it is the same false belief, that there is not enough for everyone to live abundantly.  If you want some, you have to steal it from someone else, there isn't enough for both of you.  Life is not a game of poker.  You can get ahead without bluffing and hiding an ace up your sleeve.  We can all win.


8. Do you think being poor is noble?
Believing that rich people are evil, and that if you are poor you are more righteous, is prideful. You are setting yourself above others.  It doesn't matter what the reason is, if you think you are better than someone else, you are lacking in love.    If you think it is noble to be poor, and you are working hard to get more income, you will either sabotage yourself into remaining poor, or come to hate yourself if you succeed at increasing your income.  Being rich  or poor does not make a person good or bad.  It's about how you treat others.


9. Do you know how to ask for what you want with confidence?
It's important to know how to ask for what you want.  If you have never been successful at asking for what you want, then you probably don't know how to do it right.  I'm no expert here, but I think the key is feeling love and gratitude rather than fear and doubt.  When your heart and mind are full of love and gratitude, you will exude confidence.


10. Do you know what it feels like to have more than enough for your ideal life?
If your life to this point has been a struggle, then you probably don't know what it feels like to have enough.  It's hard to visualize, and bring to pass something with which you have no experience.

Even if you have had a life of financial troubles, you have had success at something.  Remember that feeling, the feeling of success, and import it into your heart when you are thinking about your financial goals.   It's ok to borrow those feelings of success from other areas of your life.

Just in case you were thinking that you have never had enough of anything you needed in your life, that you have always had to do without, here is a little exercise for you.  Stop right now and take a deep breath, fill your lungs all the way up.  Do you feel that?  Your lungs are completely full, you couldn't possibly take in another breath.  You have all the oxygen you need and what do you need more than air?  Focus on that feeling of fullness, when you think about all your other needs.

What is the difference between oxygen, or sunlight, or food, or a house, or a big pile of money to God?  It's all the same to Him.  We have been abundantly provided for and it all comes from the same source.  You are loved.