Wendy S. Minks

Bent but not Broken

2012-02-06T22:38:00.000-10:00

Sometimes life feels like this

foundation eroded

roots exposed

barely hanging on

bent and twisted

doing whatever it takes to survive

My Desk is a Wreck

2012-01-31T22:33:00.001-10:00

I am self-employed, and my office is in my home. This arrangement suits me. I am an independent creature, with a strong aversion to office politics. I'm also not a big fan of time clocks, cubicles or dress codes.

Over the years my home office has been a corner of my bedroom, the dining room table, even occasionally it's own dedicated actual room. Right now it is in a corner of the living room. I could move it back to Ryker's room, now that he is gone again, but I am not sure I want to. The living room has better amenities - A/C, TV, sunlight, and PEOPLE!

Right now my desk is a wreck. Too much stuff, in too little space. Way too many things "out" that should be "in" or better yet - "gone". While the corner desk design is efficient, I am kind of sick of having my back to the room. It feels like I am being punished all day, sitting in the corner. About 15 degrees to my right is a HUGE window (It's dark, so the blinds are closed in this photo.), so it's not without any view. A quick 180 and I'm looking at the TV.

I think what is bugging me the most is the half dead desktop computer lurking in the background, taking up desktop space as well as foot room. It still technically "works" but, not well. The monitor colors everything excessively pink, and then sometimes straight black. The CPU is LOUD - sounds like a jet engine or something, and it is super s l o o o o o w. That hunk of metal really just has to go. It's time has come.

I have been looking at design ideas. My ideal home office would be very white (I am a big fan of white space) with bright color accents - something like this .....

Source: bhg.com via Wendy on Pinterest

or this (Without so much decoration. What are those brass things??)....

Source: centsationalgirl.com via Wendy on Pinterest

What I'm looking for is simple - clean and neat. I want lots of organizer bins, baskets, and shelves. The organization tools I currently use are - LAME. So lame that I don't really use them. I haven't added anything new to that stack of plastic drawers in at least a year. Unless you count replacing the printer cartridges as I use them. I have taken out a row of staples from the box, once or twice. Other than that - the contents of those drawers hasn't changed in well over a year. The open bottom drawer - It's full of unused electronic devices, old cell phone chargers, cords, cables and the like - pointless ... Then there is that plastic "in box" thingy that hangs on a wall. It is jammed with papers and sitting on the bottom shelf of my desk. It has stuff in there from a couple years ago, and some recent receipts. I don't even want to talk about the plastic shopping bag that contains my business records for the last 2, or is it 3, years. Why is it sitting out there for ready access? I have NO IDEA!

For Christmas my wonderful husband bought be a FANTASTIC new desk chair! I love this thing! It is from the Big and Tall collection. I am neither big, nor tall, but it is one luxurious chair! It is so comfy, my back doesn't hurt after long hours of sitting, and it leans back when I'm ready to relax. Best Christmas Gift Ever!

Now I need a desk to match - Not necessarily from a design standpoint, but definitely in function. The first step is to de-clutter, get rid of that half-dead Dell, file the paperwork, clean out the drawers, blah, blah, boring, boring, blahbity, blah blah... Maybe by then I will decide just how I want to rearrange my little corner of the world. I spend a LOT of time here, I really should make it more loveable.

Time is a Thief

2012-01-22T22:35:00.000-10:00

Time is a thief. It steals our babies. While we are busy mopping floors, and making a buck, time sneaks in and steals our tiny ones. But time is also kind. With just as much stealth, our stolen babies are replaced with cherished friends. From where I sit, those events happened in the blink of an eye.

We sat at the dinner table tonight, just the four of us, feasting on chicken enchiladas. (Ryker says the best place for Mexican food in Hawaii, is his Mama's kitchen. That boy has a way with words.) It is probably the last time we will have a Sunday dinner like that in a while. Ryker is leaving for Utah on Wednesday. His ticket is one-way. That doesn't mean he will never be back, just that the return is not yet defined. He has a place to live, a job, and a pretty good plan for the next year or so. His future awaits!

As we sat around the table tonight, we started talking about the old days. It's funny how big changes like this make you think about the past. Milestones in life cause our minds to look back at the path we took to get here. When they were small they did funny things and even today they made us laugh. Those are the unexpected joys of parenting. The little gems you treasure for a life-time.

When your tiny boy (Ok, so he was never really tiny. He was tiny only in contrast to how he is today.) shows you his amazing new skill, and the most amazing thing about it is the words he uses to describe his accomplishment, it is unforgettable. Words beyond his years, words perfectly strung together, words that convey more than their dictionary meaning. Words. His words have always been amazing, his super power of sorts. (What did he say about my cooking??) His love of language began early, and continually astounded us. When he was a newborn I remember staring into his face and wishing he could tell me what he was thinking. I just knew he had interesting things to say.

I will miss my interesting, funny boy popping in and brightening my day. My favorite is when he plays guitar and sings. There is a depth of soul in his music, that makes me happy to my core. I love it when the house is full of his music. He hasn't really lived at home for the last few years, but he has been in and out, except for that 4 month stint in China. I am grateful he is only going to Utah this time, not China. My worry level is way more manageable. I'm not really worried at all. After China, Utah is nothing :).

Ryker asked what we used to think Quincie would be when she grew up. That was easy - a Mommy and an Artist. She has always had a tender, nurturing spirit. Her super power is infinite patience with the small and helpless. She is calm under pressure, never rattled by a crying child, or naughty puppy. She is patient. She is calm. She is selfless and caring. She loves with all her heart and is the kindest person I know. If she calls you friend, you are one lucky person.

If Quincie wasn't mothering something or someone, she was doing an art project. Not much has really changed over the years. In her free time she is still either making something beautiful, or making someone happy. The sculpture from her 1st college art class is sitting proudly in my living room. It's beautiful, and my daughter is amazing.

I love my two wonderful, unique, amazing, talented, awesome kids. They are very different, but perfectly fit together as brother and sister, son and daughter, in our family. I wouldn't wish for anything different. I can't wait to see what their futures hold. I know it's going to be wonderful!

I am a Nomad

2012-01-15T22:37:00.000-10:00

I don't remember the details of the moves my family made before I was the age of 4. I was born in Yankton, SD and I have been told that sometime during my first year we moved to California for a very short stint in the San Fransisco area. I have no memory of any of that. I do remember living in Columbus, Nebraska when I was 2 and my younger brother Rik was born. I don't know how old I was when we moved there, but we stayed in Columbus until I was in 2nd grade, so 7? I lived in Madison, Nebraska from 2nd grade until 5th grade, then it was back to Yankton for 3 years.

By those calculations, I lived in South Dakota for 1-2 years, a few months in California, then 5 years in Columbus, NE, 3 years in Madison, NE, (a grand total of 8 in Nebraska, does that make me a Cornhusker??) and another 3 years in South Dakota. Somewhere in all of this, we spent a winter in Fargo, ND (I know, who winters in Fargo????) and I think we had a small detour into Iowa, but I can't be 100% sure on that one. At the end of 8th grade it was on to El Paso.

I spent all of high school and 2 years of college in El Paso, for a total of 6 years. I spent the summer after my Sophomore year in college in Saugus, CA - well not the entire summer, just from the time school was out the end of May until The first of July. July to September of 1988 I was in Provo, UT. Sometime during September I drove to St. Louis, MO. Carl and I were married in December 1988 and we lived there until July of 1992.

El Paso was 6 years, California again for a couple months, Utah for a couple months, and Missouri for 4 years.

In July of 1992 we moved to Colorado. We lived in Colorado Springs until 1994, then we moved to the Denver area. We left Colorado for Utah in 1999.

Colorado Springs was 2 years, and the Denver area was 5. That makes a total of 7 years in Colorado.

We lived in Utah from 1999 to 2005. Another 6 year stint. We were in Provo for 1 year, and Eagle Mountain for the remaining 3.

In June 2005 we moved to Hawaii. Ewa Beach, Hawaii to be exact. We have been here ever since. (Oh, well, except for that bit where I was going back and forth to Utah every few weeks for work, and the kids started school in Utah in 2006. That didn't last long, and by October we were all back in HI again.) That is six years in one state, in the same town. That is a tie with El Paso. Unless I move in the next few months, this will be my personal life-time record.

This recollection only hits the highlights - the big moves. I'm not sure if my memory holds the details of all the individual addresses I have had over the years. The most time I have ever lived in anyone house is - I HAVE NO IDEA! I am trying to remember, and figure out which house we lived in the longest, and I think... but I am not sure .. it was the 3 years we lived in the house we built in Eagle Mountain, UT. I think.... I could be wrong. I think we were in the house my parents built in Nebraska for 3 year too, maybe .... I might be missing something.

I am a nomad. I pull up stakes so often, a tent might be practical.

So where is home? Is it onlne? I have had the same email address MUCH longer than I have had the same physical address. Is it where I started, or where I have lived the longest, where I am now, or where I was when the most memorable events of life occurred? Yes, yes to all of these, and no.

When I think of home, I think of all of these places, and it all sort of blends into one. Home is where I am, where the people I love are. Home can be anywhere. Home is my heart. If you live in my heart, you live in my home. Home knows no boundaries, has no zip code, and transcends time and space. Home is Christmas at Grandma's when I was 7 and home is today sitting at the dinner table with family and friends.

Home is a state of mind, and not a location. Home is where I belong, and that is with the people I love, no matter where they are. Home is the Gospel if Jesus Christ, that is the same wherever my travels have taken me. Home is my heart.

As much as I long for roots, I think the pull of the next adventure is stronger. I dread the actual process of moving, while I anxiously await the opportunity to explore. There is no eminent move looming in the near future. I don't know what the future holds. With each move I have been happy and I have been sad. I love exploring the unknown, unpacking and setting up in a new place. I love finding the new library, meeting new people, and learning new things. I dread the packing and getting rid of unnecessary things. My heart breaks to say good bye to friends and family, and leave a chapter of my life behind. The bitter and the sweet, every time, time and time again, over and over. It never gets easy, and it never gets boring. I am a nomad, but I am not disconnected , rather I string a line, that follows me from place to place, connecting them all together. Each new move adds a room to my home, the home I keep in my heart.

It's Time for a Meeting

2012-01-07T11:28:00.002-10:00

I have a lot of work right now, which is good, cause that means I will have a lot of income coming my way soon. It is also good because it is important to me to have a purpose. I need goals to accomplish, deadlines to meet, and stuff to do. I've got plenty of stuff to do!

Large organizations have regular planning meetings. They have a yearly plan, a quarterly plan, etc. I think I need to have a planning meeting with myself. I have so many irons in the fire, the demands are varied, and scattered across the globe. I really need a plan. I think my organization needs some revamping. My inbox is out of control. I can't stand it. I HATE to have anything unread, unfinished, or incomplete at the end of the day.

My task list isn't much better. There are too many carry overs from days past. Too many items hanging around down there at the bottom without a due date. Without a deadline, they are in effect, dead. They aren't going to get done. They are just going to hang around down there mocking me, "nah nah nah, your work isn't done, look at us, we are still here waiting for your attention". I could just delete them all, or at leas assign them some due dates.

A clone would be nice. Another me to do the stuff that I don't want to do, or can't seem to find the time to do. But then that clone would probably have some overly aggressive agenda of her own, and would just make the stupid list twice as long.

That's it, I've had it. Before I do one more thing I am calling a meeting. Everyone has to be there, the president, treasure, secretary - oh wait, those are all ME! At least the meeting will be easy to schedule - only one calendar to check.

If you're weary, it may not be from what you're doing. Your weariness could be caused by what you continue to put off doing. ~Ralph Marston

Healthy Competition

2012-01-02T10:08:00.002-10:00

My friend, Angie, has started this awesome little contest. It offers motivation to stick to your healthy goals for 2012. I have decided to join in the fun, and I think you should too! This contest is for everyone, regardless of location or fitness level. Your goals are personal - healthy eating, regular exercise, weight loss, good habits - it's up to you.

2012 Commit to it Competition

Angie has really designed this program well. It is based on a simple points system. Points are earned for sticking to your goals, and making healthy choices. She has created a simple spreadsheet for tracking your daily progress, and started a FaceBook group to provide conversation and motivation among the group. So far there are 30 people on board! There are CASH prizes for extra motivation if you choose to pay a small entry fee ($10).

Come on over, and join the fun!

Christmas Tradition

2011-12-25T16:01:00.001-10:00

I was first introduced to the Christmas Stollen when I married into the Minks family in December 1988. I had no idea what it was, except that it was yummy. My mother-in-law made them every year for Christmas morning breakfast. When we moved out of state, Carl asked me to recreate the tradition for our family. There was no official recipe to follow, so I started experimenting.

My recipe evolved over the years, and standardized sometime in the last decade. The cream cheese filling recipe is of my own creation. I just kept trying things until it was the right taste and texture.

It is possible to use pre-made frozen bread dough, but it doesn't taste quite the same. This sweet dough is just right. This recipe makes enough for 2 large pastries (the size of a cookie sheet). You can also use this dough to make cinnamon rolls.

If you look up Stollen on Wikipedia, it tells a totally different story. Honestly, it sounds kinda disgusting - pretty much fruit cake covered in melted butter and rolled in sugar. I'm not sure why this delicious pastry we make has the same name as the German fruit cake thing, but I sure know which version I would rather eat.

Stollen Recipe:

Delicious White Sweet Bread Dough

6-7 c. flour
1/2 c. sugar
2 tsp. salt
2 pkg. yeast
1 c. water
1 c. milk
1/2 c. butter
1 egg

Heat milk and water and butter in a pan until very warm, approximately 120- 130 degrees.

In a large bowl, add 2 cups flour and sugar, salt and yeast; blend very well. Add warm liquid and egg to the flour mixture and beat with a beater; slowly add rest of flour and knead in. Let rise about 1 hour in a warm place until dough is doubled in size. Punch down and let rise 1/2 hour.

Shape dough according to your needs. Ex: bread, buns, Parkerhouse rolls, spinach pies, pizza, etc.

Filling:

2 packages of cream cheese

1-2 tsp. lemon extract

1/4/ cup of milk (maybe even less)

2 eggs

1 cup of powdered sugar

Melt the cream cheese with the lemon extract, milk, and eggs in a sauce pan on medium heat, mixing the entire time with an electric mixer. When smooth add powdered sugar. Mix and cook until mixture thickens. I use an electric mixer in the sauce pan on the stove.

Pie filling flavor of your choice - Cherry, Lemon, Blueberry, Apple, etc.

After rising, roll out 1/2 of dough into a rectangular shape, the thinner the better. Spread the filling mixture down the center. Add pie filling to top of filling. Cut sides of dough into strips and braid across the top. Sprinkle the top with nuts, brown sugar, or chocolate chips, etc.

Bake at 350 degrees until golden brown.

Debit or Credit - Fast or Free?

2011-12-16T08:00:00.000-10:00

I almost always use the self checkout at Wal-Mart. I don't know why exactly I think I can do that job faster and more efficiently than the people who wear the blue vests, but I do. I'm thinking it is the shorter lines that lure me in. I really am very impatient, especially with the whole shopping thing. I am just not into shopping for shopping's sake. I want to get in, get my stuff, and get the heck out!

So, anyway, I have been using the self checkout almost exclusively for years. I totally know the drill. How to push on the surface under the bags when you purchase an item that weighs almost nothing, to tell the computer that you have "placed it in the bag", etc. I am not new to the whole dealio.

The other day I had like 2 things, and I was in a hurry. I am standing there patiently, or not so patiently, waiting my turn. The guy in front of me is buying a giant bag of rice, and the machine is giving him trouble with his card. I'm thinking how sad it is that the guy is out of cash and can't afford to buy his bag of rice. He does it a couple of times, still won't go through, and then the Grandma with a name tag walks over to help. Now I'm thinking, "What the heck is she gonna do to help? I should switch lines". But switching lines is usually a tactical error of the gravest sort. As soon as you switch lines, you are doomed. You might never get to checkout.

Finally the guy finds a card that works, and he leaves to feed an army with his rice. He didn't bag it, it wouldn't fit, so Grandma had to authorize that deviation before he could go ... There are somethings that you just shouldn't take through the self checkout, giant bags of rice, or giant bags of anything for that matter, are one of them.

Ok, I'm up. Finally, my turn. This is going to be quick, I'm a pro. No giant bags, untagged items, overweight, underweight, or otherwise troublesome items in my cart. Ok, go ... all rang up, ready to pay, slide the same Hawaiian Miles debit card I always do, select "credit" so I can rack up those frequent flyer miles. Please enter your PIN - I don't want to enter my PIN, I want to use it as a credit. Transaction declined. WHAT?????? I just deposited a fat wad of cash into that account. What do you mean, transaction declined??? CANCEL ... Let's try this again ...

So, after a couple failed attempts, and finally stopping to read the text on the blurry little screen, I figure out what is going on. Wal-Mart no longer allows you to use your debit card as a credit card in the self checkout line. Apparently this is for my own protection, so if someone steals my card they can't make purchases. I supposed I get it - in the self checkout it isn't practical to show your photo idea for a credit card purchase. If they had a person checking all the ID's it wouldn't really be a self checkout any more would it?

After Wal-Mart I pulled into the nearest gas station to fill up my tank. Guess what?? SAME THING!!! I now have to use my card as a debit, with the pin and WITHOUT earning any miles, OR go in, stand in that dang line, talk to the cashier, have her run my card, look at my ID, and sign the paper. I really prefer to slide my card, fill it up, and drive away without any time wasted standing in line.

Credit card theft is a bad thing. I am fortunate not to have experienced it first had. The companies are just trying to protect us from all that.,I get it, but it still annoys me. I've been using this method of payment, in just this way for years without a hitch. Now I am forced to reevaluate my strategy. Is it more important to earn those free miles, or to get through the line faster? I don't know yet, I'm going to have to think about this one.

Sugar Cookies

2011-12-14T15:28:00.001-10:00

When I eat these cookies it is like I am a child again, sitting in my Grandma's house waiting for Santa to arrive. They are light and fluffy and in my opinion, don't need the icing to be good. Heck, I don't even think they really need to be baked!

This recipe makes a TON of cookies! Depending on the size of your cookie cutters, usually around 100. Just enough to share with all your friends and neighbors (and make your back hurt from all the leaning over).

I think they are the best. Enjoy!

Sugar Cookies (Grandma Teusink's Recipe)

1 cup margarine or butter
2 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 cup sour cream
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp baking soda
4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
4 1/2 cups of flour

cream butter and sugar together - add eggs one at a time and mix well - add sour cream and vanilla -

combine dry ingredients and blend them in

chill dough for 1 hour or overnight

roll dough 1/4 inch thick and cut out

bake at 350 for 8 minutes until underside is golden brown

Icing:
wilton cookie icing

1 cup powdered sugar
2 Tbs milk (start with a small amount and work up to the consistency you like for decorating.)
2 tsp light corn syrup

stir then add corn syrup

Thoughts

2011-11-28T12:00:00.001-10:00

It's impossible to embrace the future while holding on to the past.

Things might not be going according to your plans, but they are going according to God's plan.

Sometimes when God saves us from an unseen danger, all we feel is upset and confused that things have changed. We have no idea what pitfall we have been rescued from. When life takes a dramatic twist, be grateful for the rescue, even if you don't understand.

You don't have to be failing at something before you can choose a different path.

You can choose to do something different without condemning what you are doing now.

Disconnected

2011-11-19T14:17:00.001-10:00

I love technology. I am a gadget geek. I used to have a crackberry, and I loved it. I have had an iphone for a few years, and I have loved them all.   Between my laptop and my phone, I am pretty much always connected, and always reachable. I think this desire for constant communication stems from my long-term self employment, but maybe it goes deeper than that. I want to get an order, or take a call from a client without delay. I don't want to miss a thing.

Before the days of smart phones, the first thing I did when I walked in the door was check my email. I was an early adopter of gmail, because I could check my email from any computer, I didn't have to be at my desk to see what was going on. As soon as you could get email on a phone - I did. I used to wish for a way to send short messages without making a voice call via my cell phone. I was dreaming of texting before texting was.

Going back a little further, to the 80's, when I was a kid, I had my own phone. It was my phone, with my own number. It was plugged into the wall, with a VERY looooooong cord. I had call waiting, and that was the coolest thing ever! I was connected!! I was reachable. In the early 90's I was a receptionist for a small company, and I used to day dream about inventing caller id. If only I could have known the identity of the caller on the other end BEFORE I answered the phone, my job would have been so much easier!

In the early 80's we had an Apple IIe at my Dad's house and TI (as in Texas Instruments) at my Mom's house. I took programming in high school and learned how to write programs in DOS. I was so excited when I wrote a program that would do my Algebra homework for me! Computers are awesome!   When I started at that receptionist job in the early 90's we used WordPerfect for DOS. It was sort of like HTML, you had to know codes for everything just to create a document. After a year or so I convinced the boss to buy us all new Apple computers, and laser printer. We had hit the big time! Man, that was fun! I took some classes on how to use desk top publishing and spreadsheet software. We used a mouse! Watching the 70 year old nun in my class figure out how to double click is still one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed.

We have had internet access in our home since before Quincie was born. That was back in the early days, before most businesses had email, and weren't even sure what it was good for. Who did I email then? I can't remember. But it was COOL!

I used ICQ, and all the other IM platforms. Skype was an exciting discovery, and I had to invite all my friends so I had someone to Skype with. I am a first, or early responder in the technology communications arena. I guess what I am trying to explain is how I arrived at this point of complete connection to my iphone and laptop.

My iphone is an extension of me. It is my personal, offsite storage device, my external hard drive. It is my connection to my work, my friends, my family, my community. It is my watch, alarm clock, book shelf, radio, calendar, calculator, GPS, scriptures, address book, weather report, camera and notebook. That is all in addition to the standard communication tasks of phone, email and text.

Last Thursday as I was wrapping up an off-site work meeting, I accidentally left my iphone in a public restroom. When I discovered it was missing, after less than 5 minutes, I ran back and it was GONE! \(BTW, that is the first time I have sprinted in ages.) The restroom was empty, and my phone was no where to be seen. PANIC - RED ALERT It was a crisis moment so I reached for my best problem solver and source of all information - my phone - but it was GONE - the source of my panic! I was paralyzed. How do I solve a problem without my phone? I can't call for help. I needed to get online to use the FIND MY PHONE ap. I needed to contact AT&T to cancel my service before who ever found it started calling Australia or something. I needed my PHONE, but I had NO PHONE! Can you get a sense of my panic?

All that panic happened in a flash while I stood there staring at the spot where I had last seen my phone, in it's brand new, shiny blue case. Then my brain kicked in, and dug deep. I rushed to the business office and asked if anyone had turned in a lost phone. Of course not. I asked the receptionist to make an announcement over the PA. I called Carl and had him start tracking it with FIND MY PHONE and to all call AT& T. I went back to the bathroom and searched high and low, all the stalls, trash cans, all of it. I prayed and begged for it to be returned. A brilliant, but friendly, employee asked me if had called my service provider - "WITH WHAT????" I asked. - Genius....

Eventually I had to face the fact that it was gone. I had to leave for a busy evening ahead, and I would have to wait until the next day to resolve my phone problems.

I had to face the busy, social evening ahead without my phone - no texts, no photos, not status updates. I wanted to go home, get online and start tracking down a replacement asap. What I really wanted was to just go to an Apple store, or AT&T and buy a new one, on the spot. There were time sensitive commitments that evening, and no time for any of that. I would have to survive.

I did indeed survive. I even think I learned a thing or two from the experience. The drive home in rush hour traffic was hard. I kept imagining what I would do if I were really late and couldn't call anyone to tell them. Or, what if I had car trouble and I couldn't call for help? What if I missed Ryker's performance? What if I couldn't find Quincie once we got on campus? What if I couldn't find my friends when we got to the movies and I had to sit by strangers while they were saving me seats in a different theater? What if a client called for a home inspection and I missed the call? What if there was a family emergency and I didn't get the call? What if my friends sent me a text and I never saw it and then when I didn't respond they were mad at me? or if they needed help and they thought I didn't care? AGGGHHHHHH - all the crazy what if thinking HAD to stop!!

I took a few deep breaths and calmed down. It was only a phone. It was only a thing. It could be replaced. My data was safe on my laptop and in the cloud. (Never mind that I had broken the space key on it earlier that day and now have to plug in a USB keyboard to use it.). Calm Wendy, calm. You can go a day or two without constant communication.    I made it home, and had an enjoyable evening. No one was lost, no car trouble, no scheduling issues, not a single problem. I was a little worried that I wouldn't wake up on time the next morning. I don't have a clock near my bed, and only use my phone for an alarm. I slept like a baby for those few hours, and Quincie woke me up right on time.

I had a long, quiet contemplative drive the next day. The car radio doesn't get a good signal for a long stretch of that drive and I had to sit there in the silence with myself. It was therapeutic. I recommend a large dose of silence and self reflection on occasion. It's good for the soul.

Thanks to good friends, I am back online and reconnected with my universe, but something has permanently shifted for me. I think it was time for me to learn a thing or two about the need to disconnect on occassion and let my world go silent. It's ok, and even good, to let all those external cares and concerns go unanswered and go within. It's important to let the outside world stay outside, and just tend to the people in my presence. I can go to sleep without playing a round of Words with Friends. I can wake up to a human voice rather than a buzzing alarm. I can drive and not worry about my arrival time I can miss a call and let someone else be the responsible party. I can be temporarily disconnected and my world will not fall apart.

'Tis the Season

2011-11-16T07:36:00.001-10:00

Late last night I was at the grocery store. I like shopping late, it's easier to find a parking spot and the store is less crowded. It's so much easier for me to get in and get out. So, anyway, as I'm walking through the store I notice they still have a big display of clearance Halloween candy and stuff. They really over bought this year. I guess Halloween on a Monday night just doesn't pull the trick or treaters like a weekend. Why is that candy now undesirable? It's still M&M's in there, only the packaging is dated. I would have bought more, but I think I've already done my part at more than 10 bags. My freezer is stocked!

Right next to the Halloween junk pile, is one of many Christmas displays. The store pretty much looks like Christmas threw up all over it. There are displays of everything from Christmas soda to Christmas Kleenex. (BTW - I strongly suspect those Kleenex are left overs from last year that they dusted off and drug out of the back.) They even have a good 1/3 of the parking lot already blocked off and set up for the once live, now dead, Christmas trees that must be on the way. It looks like their arrival is eminent. I'm a big fan of Christmas, but really???

What happened to Thanksgiving? It's next week, right? Or did I miss it somehow? If I did, that would really stink, because Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday.

I didn't see many Thanksgiving themed products. I guess a holiday that is based on gratitude, doesn't inspire a lot of paraphernalia. Halloween is all about candy, and getting as much of it as you can from someone else, even strangers. It's fun, lighthearted looting. Christmas has become a holiday about stuff. The acquisition of stuff, the giving of stuff. It's really all about the stuff. But Thanksgiving stands in the middle, virtually stuff free.

You can say Thanksgiving is about the turkey and the football, and that might be true. Even if that is so, you sit around a table with family and friends to eat that turkey. You cheer on your favorite team with all your buddies. There isn't a mad grab for sugary treats. We have a civilized piece of pie, on a plate. There isn't any pressure to buy all your family, friends, co-workers, clients, and acquaintances you might happen to bump into, a Thanksgiving present.

There are Thanksgiving themed table decorations, wreaths for the door to welcome guests, candles to make the house smell like you are baking, even if you bought your pies at Costco,, and that's about it in the "stuff" department. The rest of the celebration is all about delicious food, and a group of loved ones to share it with,.

While Thanksgiving may be under represented in the retail arena, I'm grateful that it has not lost it's heart and soul. It doesn't matter what religion you practice, all can express gratitude together. There is no controversy about a day of gratitude, and goodwill. Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on the great abundance that we enjoy, the love of our families and friends. I for one, love Thanksgiving, and can't wait for next week. My house will be full of happy people, my table full of God's bounty, and my heart full of gratitude for my wonderful life.

Choices

2011-10-18T18:53:00.000-10:00

There are certain seasons of life that require more decision making and change than others. Graduating from high school, going to college or not, getting married, moving, starting a business, are all times of intense decision making. The bulk of the years just roll along in between those pivot points, working through the details created from those big decisions.When life doesn't seem to go as planned it is easy to look for someone, or something to blame - your parents, your spouse, your boss, your kids, the bad drivers on the road, the economy, the politicians, etc. The list of bad guys is infinite, if that is what you are looking for. Blaming shoves the responsibility for the negative outcome off your shoulders and on to someone else, most of the time anyone will do. Just get that blame off of me! The priority is to find a target to shoot back at, to express all your frustration and rage, and remove it from your own soul. It doesn't really work though. The blaming, the ranting, it doesn't alleviate the pain, it increases it.
For example, you have a crappy day at work. The boss is a jerk, he makes you do stupid tasks, and stay late. Your bad day is all his fault, you had no choice in the matter, you had to do what he said, he's the boss. You feel totally justified in your anger and grumpiness. On the way home you are an impatient driver - honking, yelling, maybe throwing a few hand gestures. While driving, you call a co-worker and rehash the whole scenario, complete with all the things you wanted to tell the boss, if only you could! At home you are greeted by noisy children, and a disinterested spouse. You try to tell them about your bad day, but they can't hear you because they are telling you about all their drama. Dinner is your least favorite meal, you would NEVER choose that, and it's cold, because you worked late. Stupid boss, crazy family, yucky dinner - life just sucks!
It's really easy, so easy, to think like that. It's the normal reaction. Don't beat yourself up for thinking like that - everyone does.

But everyone is wrong.

You ALWAYS have a choice. There are so many more opportunities to choose than we think.
In the bad day scenario above, let's work backward and list all the choices along the way:

You don't have to retell that story. When we retell a story, a part of us experiences it over again. Each new person who hears that sad tale also experiences a bit of the suffering. How many times do you want to have that bad day? I think once should be enough. Do you really want to share that with your loved ones? It was bad enough the first time, there is no reason to multiply the pain.
It is your choice to be miserable. Just because you have to work late, does not mean you have to be grumpy about it. It is not required to respond to anger with anger. You can always choose your reaction to any situation. Bad news, angry people, less than ideal physical situations, maybe out of your control, but your reaction to them is not. Your mind is your own. Stop, and choose a different way. Don't give in to the negative all around you. Focus on what is going well, how this is a means to a good end, the weekend plans you are looking forward to, whatever. Just don't succumb to the misery.
You decided to work there. You could have said no to that job offer. You could have quit as soon as it became less than ideal. You could have stayed home in bed this morning and avoid it all. Of course there are consequences to any of these choices, but they are available to you. Even if it is a family business, and you feel like you have no choice in the matter, you do. If you quit, your family might be angry, or disappointed, but you could quit. Life would go on. They would find a way to survive without you. There is ALWAYS an alternative. If you look at all the options and decide that where you are is the best, then be grateful for it, realize it is your choice, and be happy with it. If it's not, then move on!
You selected your own spouse. Your marriage was not arranged. In fact, you didn't even have to get married if you didn't want to. Those out of control kids, yep, you chose them too. You might have felt pressured into those decisions, and went down the road of least resistance, but you did choose. No one put a gun to your head and said, "Marry this person and have 6 kids. NOW!" That was you, you decided to bring these people into your life. If it's really bad, why are you still there? If you made a mistake, undo it. I'm not suggesting it is easy, or simple, or even ideal, to break up a marriage or a family. But, if it is really as bad as all that, do something to change it. If you can't change it, then get out. You are not stuck. You always have a choice. The consequences of those choices might not be pretty, but are they better than what you are complaining about now? In any case, stop blaming your spouse for your unhappiness. You chose them, just as much as they chose you. Take responsibility for your own happiness.
You made ALL the choices that led you to this point. Once upon a time you decided to do your homework or not, to go to college, or not. You chose your major. You selected your friends, your first job, your hobbies, the books you read, or didn't read. You took all the baby steps that lead you to this point. Unless you live in a communist country, your future was of your own choosing. No one assigned you a career path, you picked it, even if you picked it by default. No one assigned you a circle of friends. You picked them yourself. No one dropped you in to a family, you created it. You might not have given these matters the careful attention you should have, but in the words of the band, Rush, "When you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." Choices, your life is made up of YOUR choices.

Each and every day is brimming full of choices that mostly go unnoticed. Many times we react to life by following patterns of behavior that were established long ago. Some of them even generations ago. What worked then may not serve you now. Becoming more aware of the daily choices that are before you opens the door to meaningful change. Taking personal responsibility for these choices releases frustration, and brings peace.

Our One-Legged Friend is Back

2011-09-26T09:12:00.001-10:00

Our one-legged bird friend is back! Last winter there was this one-legged kolea bird hoping around our front yard nearly every day. Kolea spend their summers in Alaska and their winters in Hawaii. They have been gone for a few months. I have spotted several of them in the park recently, and I wondered if our friend would be back. Yesterday, our one-legged friend was there to great me in the front yard. I'm so impressed he made it all the way to Alaska and back!

I Just Don't Want To

2011-09-26T08:49:00.000-10:00

I feel obligated to post an update on the last two weeks, and what life is like sans kids. Well, I just don't want to, so I'm not going to. Instead, please enjoy this fine musical selection.

The Eye of the Storm

2011-09-11T17:27:00.001-10:00

Yesterday I was on vacation with my family. Tomorrow I will be taking both of my kids to college. Today, by all accounts is a normal Sunday. I woke up early, went to church. I came home, ate the first thing I saw in the refrigerator, and promptly took a nap. I woke up disoriented, not sure if it was Monday morning, or if I had over slept for church. Now, I'm hungry for dinner and wishing that the kitchen fairy would show up and make me something fabulous.

It feels like I am sitting here in the eye of the storm, the calm moment sandwiched in between two big events. The past two days were a whirlwind of fun and excitement. We explored the island of Kauai with great enthusiasm, hardly coming up for air. It was pretty much non-stop action. We saw beautiful sites, played in the pool, and swam in the ocean. We ate fabulous food, and had a great time.

This was the first family trip we have taken in a long time. The last time we left the island together was 6 years ago, for my mother's wedding. A trip, just for fun, was long over due. It's easy to live in the moment during a trip. I guess that's the point of going on vacation, to leave your cares behind and enjoy just what you are doing right then and there. No wonder the family vacation is such a part of our culture. We should have tried it sooner :).

I had no idea, but there is this amazing, Grand Canyon like site on Kauai. It is Waimea Canyon, on the west side. The drive up there was long, and winding, and did I mention long? and winding? After hearing protests from the back seat of motion sickness, and my own rising sense of panic and queasiness, I cried, "uncle", about 2 minutes before we reached the top. Thankfully the driver didn't listen to me! That was a good lesson for me about not giving up too soon, etc, etc. Anyway ... see for yourself, the view was breathtaking!!

It's kind of hard to believe that all of these photos were taken on one island, only 33 miles wide and 25 miles long. It was cold and wet at the top of the Canyon, warm and sunny at the beach. When the river boat stopped at the Fern Grotto, it was down right hot.

... and today is, well, just plain old, normal. Which is good. Normal can be a very good thing.

Tomorrow both of my kids are packing up, and heading off to college. Not unlike the vacation, it will be a day full of excitement and activity. There will also be a couple of long drives, and maybe even a stop at the beach :).

And after tomorrow ... normal will be reset.

Diving into Life

2011-09-02T07:37:00.000-10:00

Life is like the ocean. Sometimes it is calm and peaceful, and sometimes it is a raging storm. Even during the peaceful times, there are waves and currents. The tides roll in, the tides roll out, day after day, without fail. The ocean is always teaming with life and activity. It is never still. It is always changing. Life is exactly like this.

If you attempt to sit still in the ocean, you are carried one way or another by waves and currents. It takes some action on your part to direct your path, or to even stay in one place. You have to swim, tread water, kick, paddle, drop an anchor, do something, or you are going to be moved. If you pause, for even a moment, the current can move you great distances. The ocean is a powerful force, even when peaceful.

Have you ever stood at the beach and let the waves rush over you? Not ready to jump right in to all the chaos, you timidly walk down to where water meets sand and inch your way in. As you stand there enjoying the cool flood over your hot feet, WHAM! a huge wave comes and knocks you on your butt. As you try to stand, the sand under you rushes away, pulled back into the water with the receding wave, you lose your footing, and down you go again. As you struggle, another wave comes along, and you are rolled. That second wave doesn't need to be very big to knock you over, since you haven't fully recovered from the first one. You are only sort of standing, and very unsteady. As wave after wave continues to hit, you tumble, and roll, struggle, and gasp. Eventually, you back up, and retreat to higher ground, or dive on in and try to get all the sand out of your pants.

Inching towards a big change in life can be frightening. We approach with caution, and inch our way in. Standing there, hesitating, we can get hit with a big wave, a devastating set back, like a major illness, job loss, death of a loved one, etc. Then when we are down, and still struggling to stand, even the smallest waves can knock us back down, and keep us down, tumbling us over and over, as we struggle to breathe and stand. Sometimes it seems like those waves keep on coming, and that we are going to drown, that the ocean will win, and drag us out to sea. We might even need a friend to rescue us and pull us one way or another, out of the line of fire.

The best way to go for a swim in the ocean, is to run and dive right on in. Dive over the wave, into the wave, or under it. When you are swimming, you cannot be knocked down. The wave loses its power when you stop resisting, and go with the flow. What is a powerful force at the shore, capable of knocking you flat, is a gentle rocking motion when you are bobbing along in the middle of it. If you are swimming under the surface, it feels like nothing at all. While standing, or treading water, if a large wave approaches, and you aren't paying attention, you can still get walloped good. A face full of salt water that leaves you sputtering, but still upright. If you see it coming, all it takes is a little hop just at the right moment, and you float along, with your head safely above the surface. Resisting is what causes all the trouble.

In life, it's just the same. It's the resistance to life's changes,and challenges that bring all the destruction and pain. When we fight against the inevitable, when we hesitate to take the next step, that's when life really knocks us down. We have to pay attention, see what is coming our way, and then jump on board, and ride the wave. When we resist, we go under, we sputter, and gasp. Life is never going to be like a reflection pool - still and perfectly clear. It keeps moving, and changing. Every day we have new things come our way. Life changes. If we don't figure out how to adapt and change with it, we suffer, and life is harder than it needs to be.

Learning to anticipate the waves, and jump into them, rather than resist, helps smooth out the ride. If you see a future challenge coming, do what you can to prepare for it, and when it hits - jump up to great it, rather then try to out run it, you will float along with only a minor disruption. You can't out run, or out swim, the waves of change that life brings. Babies grow up, kids get married, people get sick, we have to move, jobs are lost, cars break down, we grow old, and everyone of us will eventually die. You can't avoid these normal life events. You can prepare, you can be watchful, and you can embrace each new wave as it comes your way. You can jump in and live life, rather than stand on the shore and let the waves beat you down. You must keep moving, if you wish to have any peace. There is no such thing as standing still.

Taking My Own Advice

2011-09-01T22:06:00.001-10:00

Blogger has made some pretty drastic changes since I last updated the look of my blog. Who knew that the day I decide to mess around with new templates and backgrounds would be the day that Blogger also introduced a totally new look to the user interface? So, I am finally updating the look of my blog and the editor I am using looks TOTALLY DIFFERENT than I am used to!!! It's a bit like riding a new bike, with a new pair of legs. Not as easy as I had imagined!!

Anyway, I have been a big proponent of "white space" for years. Every client I work with on websites, or marketing materials, has heard my "white space" speech. It was even my personal theme for the entire year of 2010. Websites, and other media, can get too cluttered. Just because you can put in a custom background color AND photo AND texture, doesn't mean you should. There may be a hundred cool gadgets available, but that doesn't mean your page NEEDS them all. It's the whole "less is more" kind of idea. If you clutter up a page the reader doesn't know what they are supposed to pay attention to. If everything is bold, then in reality, nothing is bold. You know those friends that post everything on Facebook in all caps? After a while you just turn down the "shouting" and read it in your normal voice. White space is what you need to surround your important stuff, so it stands out. It's like the matting in a frame around a photo.

My blog was pretty much devoid of white space. It still needs more, but I'm working on it. Dealing with this new user interface is slowing me down just a bit, or a lot. I can't figure out how to get more than one post to show on the home page. The settings all say that it should show up to 5, but, alas, you are only seeing one ....I've about had it for the night. The rest is work for another day. Maybe by morning, Blogger will have fixed the glitch.

Circling the Base of the Mountain

2011-08-10T21:47:00.002-10:00

I went to a church meeting this week, and something one of the speakers said really struck a chord with me. He said that he lives near this mountain, that is rather steep, and has hiked it a few times. Each time, before the hike, he has walked the path at the base of the mountain, which is a nice, easy path, contemplating how hard the hike is going to be. He thinks about how unprepared he is, how old, out of shape, etc he is, as he circles the base of this mountain.

I have been circling the base of the mountain for a long time now. I keep walking the familiar path, musing about how hard it would be to get to where I want to be. I am unprepared, too old, too out of shape, to make that climb., so I continue to circle. I circle and circle, looking up, and thinking how I'll never get there. Thinking how amazing it must be up there, but not sure if I'm up to the climb.

This path at the base of the mountain is an easy one. If it weren't for that looming mountain in the middle constantly reminding me that it's there to climb, I'd be quite content to circle forever. Or would I?
It gets pretty boring, playing it small and safe, walking the flat, circular path of familiarity. There are no surprises, no victories, no discoveries, no amazing views, just the same old thing, over and over again. No risk, and no reward.

The only way to climb a mountain is to put one foot on the path pointing up, and let the other follow. One step at a time, in the right direction. The pace is not important, only the direction and that you keep moving. If I'm not prepared, I need to get prepared. If I'm not fit to climb, I better get fit. All this circling and musing is wasting too much time. If I think I am too old now, I'll only be that much older if I keep putting things off.

So, ok, I'm tired of circling. It's getting boring down here looking at all the tree trunks. I think it is time to start that climb and see the view from the clouds.

Waves

2011-08-09T22:17:00.002-10:00

Life is like the ocean. Sometimes it is calm and peaceful, and sometimes it is a raging storm. Even during the peaceful times, there are waves and currents. The tides roll in, the tides roll out, day after day, without fail. The ocean is always teaming with life and activity. It is never still. It is always changing. Life is exactly like this.

If you attempt to sit still in the ocean, you are carried one way or another by waves and currents. It takes some action on your part to direct your path, or to even stay in one place. You have to swim, tread water, kick, paddle, drop an anchor, do something, or you are going to be moved. If you pause, for even a moment, the current can move you great distances. The ocean is a powerful force, even when peaceful.

Have you ever stood at the beach and let the waves rush over you? Not ready to jump right in to all the chaos, you timidly walk down to where water meets sand and inch your way in. As you stand there enjoying the cool flood over your hot feet, WHAM! a huge wave comes and knocks you on your butt. As you try to stand, the sand under you rushes away, pulled back into the water with the receding wave, you lose your footing, and down you go again. As you struggle, another wave comes along, and you are rolled. That second wave doesn't need to be very big to knock you over, since you haven't fully recovered from the first one. You are only sort of standing, and very unsteady. As wave after wave continues to hit, you tumble, and roll, struggle, and gasp. Eventually, you back up, and retreat to higher ground, or dive on in and try to get all the sand out of your pants.

Inching towards a big change in life can be frightening. We approach with caution, and inch our way in. Standing there, hesitating, we can get hit with a big wave, a devastating set back, like a major illness, job loss, death of a loved one, etc. Then when we are down, and still struggling to stand, even the smallest waves can knock us back down, and keep us down, tumbling us over and over, as we struggle to breath and stand. Sometimes it seems like those waves keep on coming, and that we are going to drown, that the ocean will win, and drag us out to sea. We might even need a friend to rescue us and pull us one way or another, out of the line of fire.

The best way to go for a swim in the ocean, is to run and dive right on in. Dive over the wave, into the wave, or under it. When you are swimming, you cannot be knocked down. The wave loses it's power when you stop resisting, and go with the flow. What is a powerful force at the shore, capable of knocking you flat, is a gentle rocking motion when you are bobbing along in the middle of it. If you are swimming under the surface, it feels like nothing at all. While standing, or treading water, if a large wave approaches, and you aren't paying attention, you can still get walloped good. A face full of salt water that leaves you sputtering, but still upright. If you see it coming, all it takes is a little hop just at the right moment, and you float along, with your head safely above the surface. Resisting is what causes all the trouble.

In life, it's just the same. It's the resistance to life's changes,and challenges that bring all the destruction and pain. When we fight against the inevitable, when we hesitate to take the next step, that's when life really knocks us down. We have to pay attention, see what is coming our way, and then jump on board, and ride the wave. When we resist, we go under, we sputter, and gasp. Life is never going to be like a reflection pool - still and perfectly clear. It keeps moving, and changing. Every day we have new things come our way. Life changes. If we don't figure out how to adapt and change with it, we suffer, and life is harder than it needs to be.

Learning to anticipate the waves, and jump into them, rather than resist, helps smooth out the ride. If you see a future challenge coming, do what you can to prepare for it, and when it hits - jump up to great it, rather then try to out run it, you will float along with only a minor disruption. You can't out run, or out swim, the waves of change that life brings. Babies grow up, kids get married, people get sick, we have to move, jobs are lost, cars break down, we grow old, and everyone of us will eventually die. You can't avoid these normal life events. You can prepare, you can be watchful, and you can embrace each new wave as it comes your way. You can jump in and live life, rather than stand on the shore and let the waves beat you down. You must keep moving, if you wish to have any peace. There is no such thing as standing still.

Some Kinda Funk

2011-08-02T22:28:00.000-10:00

Do you remember all those posts about yoga, and the Y? I sounded so enthusiastic about the whole deal, didn't I? So why the heck haven't I been to yoga in two weeks, or the Y in like 8?? I have less than zero motivation to exercise right now. The only thing I have been doing is walking the dogs, and then only when I have to. Chester begs to go, and is about as persistent as a 4 year old child who wants candy at the grocery store. It's really hard to ignore him when he is determined to go for a walk. He just won't shut up. He does this weird growl, cry talking kind of thing. It sounds like a kid talking back, giving sass, under their breath. Thank goodness for that crazy back talking dog, or I might never get out of this chair.

I know if I just forced myself to get up and go I would feel better. The reward would be almost immediate. But not quite instant enough to compete with my nice comfy bed. A few weeks ago I at least had the legitimate excuse of being too busy to fit it in my schedule. Early morning inspection appointments really did get in the way there for a while. That is where this started. But now, this week, the only excuse is that I just don't feel like it. I've been toying with the idea that maybe I have a bug or something, making me more tired than usual. I'm looking for something to pin it on, other than I'm just a lazy slug. I think something must be broken. Can I really be this lazy, just by choice?

While walking the dogs tonight I was struck with a fleeting moment of motivation. I was all set to publicly state my commitment to daily exercise. I will get up and go whether I fell like it or not! I WAS going to say that. But, now, well, I'm not so sure. I'm not feelin' it like I was a couple hours ago.

I do feel some sort of a second wind, and I am awake writing this rather than passed out on my high thread count sheets like I normally am at this hour. I guess it's probably from the exercise. See, I know I really should get up and do SOMETHING first thing in the morning, rather than just sleep in until I am needed. I could get a lot done with that post exercise boost of energy.

That's an interesting thought. How often do we, or I, do nothing until we are required to. Do we sleep until the alarm goes off? Do we set the alarm to allow for just enough time to get ready before we have to leave? Do we sit and wait until duty calls us from our couch or bed? I don't think I really want to live my life like that. It doesn't sound much like living. Doing only what is required, and not until it is required. Some lazy human variation on "conservation of energy".

It really is pretty pathetic to sit or sleep, or otherwise wait around, for some obligation to force you into action, rather than getting up, and moving of your own free will. " What do you do with your free will? I do nothing. I don't have to so I just do nothing. " Pathetic. I gotta get up and move.

For tonight, I'm just going to get up out of this office chair, and move up the stairs to bed. Maybe in the morning I'll move on to something interesting, or productive. Maybe, if I feel like it.

Stuff and Nonsense

2011-07-22T18:01:00.005-10:00

Why is it that when I am driving around I think of all these things I want to write about, and then when I get here, to the blank blog, my brain goes empty? It's nothing but a big fat DUH....... up there right now.

I've learned so many new things in the last week or so. Lots of Word Press stuff. Every day I spend working on Word Press makes me more sure of my decision to stick with Blogger. Blogger is so much more intuitive, at least to my mind. Anyway, I feel like a rock star when I learn something new, and make WordPress do what I want. Those are small, private little victory parities. Not always quiet, cause I jump and shout, but usually without an audience.

We have a new puppy. I love puppies (insert line from Nacho Libre), but I hate puppy pee, and poo. House training a new puppy is nasty business. She's small - hooray for tablespoon size puddles!! and smart - hooray for learning quickly!! It is dog number 3 for me in 3 years, so I guess I should be much better at the training now than I was the first time. She's tiny, cute, super crazy adorable, fluffy, half pom and half chihuahua, and named Cocoa. I'm not sure what she weighs, but I think around a pound or two. Tiny - very tiny. That's what I end up calling her most of them time, Tiny. She's going to think that is what her name is, if I keep it up.

Ryker is home from China - Ya! Carl is another year older, and Quincie is now a legal adult. That means I am now the mother of adult children, who live at home. For the moment - College starts in September and if the plans they are cooking up come together we will be empty nesters. I'm not sure what I think about that. I guess that's what the puppies are good for.... or something like that.

I'm still trying to figure out how to get the type of work I really want to do. Things are shifting, and improving, but I still spend way too much time doing things that I don't really feel are right for me. I should be doing what I'm good at, not struggling to be good at anything that needs to be done. I want to write. I am particularly found of writing "How To" instructions. I like to take complicated, technical junk and translate it into regular speak. For my next trick I am going to write a how-to manual for the non-techy, 60+ set for ipods. There are thousands of people out there being denied the joy of audio books, podcasts, and spotify, just because they don't speak techese. I think Apple should pay me for this. Big bucks - it's going to increase their sales. Just wait. It won't be like the "Idiot's Guide" or "For Dummies" series. These people are not stupid, just from a different era.

On another note, my hair is now long enough to put up in chopsticks again. Exciting news, isn't it?? I used to put it up in a bun with a chopstick all the time. It a great way to get the hot stuff off my neck. I've been letting it grow again, and didn't realize just how long it was. It's half way down my back! How old can you be and still have long hair and not be considered a weirdo? Please don't say 40 ....

Frustration

2011-07-11T22:22:00.002-10:00

Ok, what's the deal with the all new Blogger? It might look the same to you, but on the back end, things are definitely different. So far, it seems pretty easy to figure out. Analytics and Reader are integrated into my dashboard - cool! I love Google. Speaking of which, have you started using Google+? If you need an invite, just let me know and I will shoot one out to you.

Anyway .... I get so frustrated with myself sometimes. Tonight at yoga was no exception. I really hate it when I can/t get my bones and muscles to do what my brain envisions. In my mind I am flexible and strong. In reality, not so much. My hamstrings are strung so tight they feel like they could snap. My hips are tight, my shoulders are tight, my lower back is weak, my upper body is week, my thighs are jiggly and my abs are squishy. This is not the body I have in my mental world, and it is frustrating.

When I first started yoga at the YMCA, all I wanted to do was touch my toes. I had no idea. Recently I started going to Yoga4Ewa. It's the real deal, no false sense of competency in this place. I really, really love it. I learn so much at every class. The first thing I learned was how little I know.

Tonight we were working on headstands. Specifically, using your abs to lift up into a headstand, not your legs. I did it, sort of, once - for a second or two - maybe. I know just what to do, my muscles just don't obey. I want to be strong. I want to be flexible. To get there I must be diligent, and I must be patient. Hence, the frustration.

Tonight I pushed myself to work very hard. Great big drops of sweat rolled off my face and on to the mat. Yoga, with Tasha, is the only time that has ever happened to me. I don't sweat like that, ever - not running, not dancing, not even sitting in the hot sun at the beach. All that sweating has to mean progress is happening somewhere.

I know this for sure - yoga helps me manage the stress of ordinary life. When I am upside down, trying to keep my elbows in, shoulders down, head looking back, hips back, toes up, and legs straight, there is no room left in my brain for anything else, except maybe breathing - if I am lucky. There just isn't space for one more thought, and that is lovely.